Wednesday, 8:47 p.m.   The End He called me today, a few minutes after I got home from working for my mom (for free, I'm such a good girl. okay I just didn't wanna work in the field today). I felt horrible all day today. Starting at 6 in the morning when my daddy woke me up. My head still hurt from the night before; 3 and a half hours earlier. I didn't talk to Scott online today.tomorrow is july. I wanted to be with him all day today, I couldn't stop thinking about him; it was worse than usual. I would start crying at random intervals not just for my own loss but his and for My Yin Sara who I was going to have a sleepover with tomorrow night to take my mind off of...this. But I screwed that plan over. I really wanted to see her too. I miss my Toots. I've always had the philosophy that it's too hard to cry when you're smiling. But when the muscles in your face keep pulling the corners of your mouth back down, BACK DOWN THERE YOU MOUTH CORNERS DANGIT DO WHAT I SAY, and it turns into a frown and that frown turns the switch for tears and they keep coming they won't stop. Scott was on the phone with me for a long time at Craig's house. Even though sometimes we didn't talk and it wasn't awkward, it was lovely. like when we went to the park and just laid down next to each other and let just knowing they're there be enough. It was enough just to cradle the phone between my wet pillow and my cheek. But sometimes I'd remember why he was calling me, so he could talk to me before he left, and I'd have to turn the phone upside down so I was listening to the ear but the mouthpiece was away so he wouldn't hear me cry. but then I had to pee really bad. so I told him I had to go. and I told him I loved him and I'd miss him and he told me he would try to call me, he'd call me soon he loves me too. And then I peed. And then my phone rang, it said uncle richard on the caller id, but it was my dad. Good thing I answered. I was having difficulties not crying and then I called him back a few minutes later and asked him when he was coming home. He asked why he needed to come home, I told him no reason, he said what's wrong I said it's not important, somehow I told him that I wanted to go to Craig's. He wouldn't let me explain, he said all quiet and calm, "Teresa, I need to be able to rely on you." and I said "Daddy it's not for long just a minute, just to get a cd." He asked me if Scott would be there. I said, "He won't be in less than 45 minutes." He told me where my keys were and that I was to be home at 6:30. It was 5:18 when I finally got to Craig's house. I tried not to focus on the needle on my gas tank conspicuously pointing at "e" while the little orange light told me I needed fuel. But I rang the doorbell and Craig answered the door and he told me not to make a sound and he told me Scott would be thrilled, he said, "Scott, your ride's here." Scott was in the kitchen facing the window outside, filling a glass with water, he said, "Just a second." and I hugged him from behind and breathed on his neck and it was nice. Craig was a good boy and left the room. his (Scott's, not Craig's) mouth tasted like spearmint gum. All day today I wanted to smash my watch into a million trillion itty bitty pieces so that I would stop looking at it and calculate how long it was until Scott had to leave. Anyway, Then Craig came back in and we stopped kissing and we just stood there and talked. Craig is so amazingly cool about us. He doesn't hate me anymore. I got my cd. I was only there for about 10 minutes before Scott's REAL ride came to take him to the airport. The End. For a year. It's surreal. It's fake. I'm just dreaming this is just a nightmare wake up teresa wake up wake up. Guess What. I'm wide awake. This is real. The End. The End. The only stupid mistakes are the ones you knew were mistakes before you made them, the ones you knew you shouldn't do before you did them, the ones you've made before. I'm such a stupid girl making stupid mistakes all the time. Stop saying I'm smart. Smart people learn. Smart people know when to quit. Smart people don't make the same mistake over and over and over. I got my mp3cd from Scott and I listened to the Blink 182 album first because it was first on the cd so shut up, I like it, it reminds me of him. I don't care about you and your elitist "you can't like them, they're posers, they're sold out, too many other people like them, if you do you're trendy and suck" ways think. and now chevelle, it reminds me of Craig because Craig's the one who wanted me to hear it.but so far there's only one song I like. oh well. and earlier I was listening to my Serendipity soundtrack. The first song was kind of fitting in a way. it always has fit. I remember listening to it when we went to Arizona when Scott and I weren't together because I liked CJ or something. but it still made me think of scott. the chorus was perfect. Never a day goes by without something stopping me hard in my tracks I could be happy and they'll never know it Til never a day comes back could be a feeling from long ago could be a song on the radio could be that accident photo I found when I'm looking for something else and I found you .the.end.