Thursday, 10:36 a.m.   It's So Effing Hard [written yesterday] It's so hard to pretend you know nothing about a so called surprise when you've been told about it over and over and you're looking forward to receiving it so badly but you're effing GROUNDED and your mother gives you other things to do even though you were discreetly told by the planner of the surprised that you would be able to come since her daddy talked to your daddy and worked everything out. I thought my mom would be in cahoots. So Dave's back from the Mission Trip and I am so so so jealous that everyone had a good time and I didn't get to go. On the other hand, then I wouldn't have had that marshmallow kiss or gone to the park and lied on the grass with Scott or hugged him goodbye that last time in Craig's kitchen. So it's got its ups and downs. and now, for some spur of the moment, half-assed lyrics that I've just made up. I like coffee! I like coffee! Yay coffee, yay coffee! You're brownishblack and pleasing to the nose Your aroma's better than that of a fragrant rose! Your liquified energy, tasty and quick It starts off my day with a hoot and a click. I like coffee! I like coffee! Yay coffee, yay coffee! I wake up in the morning I'm groggy and I'm mean, But when i have my cuppa joe, I am a Happy Teen! I love it black, i love it creamy, and i love it sweet! Any coffee that I drink is such a special treat! I like coffee! I like coffee! Yay coffee, yay coffee! BRB I GOTTA PEE TOO MUCH COFFEE'S BAD FOR ME! [and now today] I went to Mandy's last night finally, and Sara showed up before I did but also left before I got there. And the other people who were there were Joe and Forrest, and two of mandy's friends from school. Forrest was mean to me. He's never as mean to other people as he is to me. He says its because I don't take it seriously. However, if someone says cruel things to you constantly no matter what the jest, you start to wonder if maybe they aren't joking at all and they really are serious. By the way, I am not a skank, slut, whore, wench, or any other derrogatory word for a woman who gets around. Because you know what? I don't get around. Suck your own cock. And I really don't appreciate being called words like that. It takes a lot to get me so riled up. It really does. But I am so effing sick and tired of this crap that they feed me for no reason at all that I can see, except maybe because my clothes don't involve veiling my entire body. God I hate you for labelling me because I wear tube tops or short shorts. It's not like you can see up my butt either, or major cleavage. So honestly? Shove it. Shove all your crap about how my body is a temple. Damn right it is, and I will worship in it and I will treat it well and I will effing show it off. All of your temples were designed to catch the eye. So was Mine. Forrest is so cool. He brings out the violent side in me. I never kick, smack, throw pop cans at, or fork poke people unless their name is Forrest and they have brought on my wrath once again. I think I'll miss him though. He has got pretty eyelashes. none of the people I invited could make it. I spent a lot of time lying on the tramp after Forrest got off staring at the clouds and making shapes out of them and not really talking to anyone. Then Forrest got back on the trampoline so I lied in the grass and stared at the clouds. Until Joe came and asked me what was wrong and I sat up and said Forrest was mean and forrest said he was sorry or something and blah blah blah. I'll miss Joe, he's so nice all the time. In 8th grade I had a huge crush on him...along with many many other boys. I was a desperate ugly girl in 8th grade. After everyone finally left, Mandy and I walked to the store and rented Blow, with Johnny Depp in it. Johnny Depp was a sexy man but the movie kind of sucked really. It was okay but it sucked, every time you thought it was going to end it kept going on and on...Johnny Depp was a good actor but man. the plot could have been cut short in some places. A lot of places. But yeah. Then I went to bed, dreamt about Scott I don't remember what we were doing but Scott was there and I donno. I miss him. A lot. He called me yesterday. I told him some of the things I had meant to tell him yesterday. Or was it the day before? In any case, I miss that kid really hard. I can feel the loneliness in my face. ----------------- 11:40 a.m. Always. by Blink. I'm such a geek. You want me to be honest though? I like pop. I miss the pop era of the 90s. I used to like listening to the pop sappy love songs on the radio, but now all it is on the "hottest music" station is rap and hip hop about getting laid. It's so annoying. Who honestly even likes rap? It is okay fora few minutes and some songs are okay, but the genre for the most part just sucks. I guess so did Pop, but at least pop had cute melodies. I miss bands like The Goo Goo Dolls and Vertical Horizon. ----------------- 12:26 p.m. How am I going to last a year without Scott? I can't close my eyes without seeing his face. Every time my nose gets itchy I wonder if he's thinking about me. Last night I was watching Blow and through the whole thing I was wishing Scott was there to cuddle with and hug. BLEH. stupid melodrama. I miss you baby. run away with me. ----------------- 12:34 p.m. Wow. Today is July 8. I leave July 10. The Day After Tomorrow. God it doesn't seem real.