Saturday, 3:37 p.m.   I have no desire for this I don't feel like writing. I am so stuffed full of feelings and experiences and thoughts that I can't let them go. I wouldn't know where to begin and I wouldn't know where to start and I wouldn't know how much detail is enough and how much is too much. Like if I said, "school yesterday sucked, but I went to Scott's for a cd, then a lock-in, and it was cool and stuff." vs. if I said, "Mandy kept adjusting her bra strap and I kept touching CJ's shaved cranium because it felt so weird and cool, but it was kinda oily. I felt so weird and natural and I wondered about blah blah blah." I did come up with a new word yesterday around 2:45 a.m. Oh, wait, that's this morning. Man staying up all night is so hard on the internal clock. Anyway, I'm incoherent when i'm sleepy and I kept saying that because I liked saying 'coherent' for some reason. And then I called Mandy a poohead and decided to make it long and complicated so I told her just kidding, she wasn't a poohead, she was a fecal cranium. They looked at me like I was strange. Which I was. We were mean to everyone but Katie and Amy and each other (the three of us, Mandy, CJ, and I in the corner). Katie left though and Amy mostly hung out with the other icky confirmation kids. We didn't really do anything. Last time was so much more fun than this time because it was only the four of us, really, running around and stuff. There were better things though, like Jeff not hanging out with us. And CJ hanging out with us. Instead of last time when he was so shy. And Mandy and I totally talked about him all the time because we thought he was so awesome even though we didn't even know him really. And then there was that meet at Boxelder that I cried because I didn't want to go because I hated swim team at that time...This was before the awesome little chat before the Mtn. Crest meet. But I was not swimming because of this whole attendance thing and then I remembered that CJ was on the swim team. Sort of. And he was there and I hung out with him the whole time there too. And I made friends with Hailey! yay! And Cam, who told me that CJ liked me which made me totally icky because I was so with Scott. And then there was this whole not cool period of me wondering whether or not CJ really did like me and breaking up kinda with Scott was so painful and it hurt him so bad. hey, I guess I'm going with the detailed version. But finally I got over it because I figured I'd never see him again. Because he told me he was going to go to the valentines dance with me and totally didn't. I hated him so bad. Sort of. I cried so hard, anyway. Mandy knows. She was there. and she wanted to kick his anus. And then he was there. At the Lock-in. We were mean to everyone, but we had fun. CJ has this funny little kid voice when he's sleepy. And I bit him. So he bit me. And he bit Mandy. I hope he doesn't have rabies. o_O I told the muffin joke a lot because we started talking about weird things like Mtn Dew's yellow 5 shrinking certain male appendiges. Oh look, ponies... And last time I was the incontinent one and peed every half hour, but this time CJ drank a 40 oz Mtn. Dew and had to pee every half hour! We laughed at him so bad. And I cried after I went to Village in this morning at 7 because I was going to miss that Stupid Josh Kid Who Is Moving! Sigh. And it's not like I even knew him that well. But he was such a great contribution to our team this year. I'm definately going to miss that, even if I'm not here. I only stayed for a few minutes because I had to go back to the church. We cleaned up and watched The Pirates of the Caribbean. We also watched 10 Things I Hate About You, which is such a good movie. Then everyone kinda left. I totally cried the whole way home. Because CJ gave me a hug and I knew right then that there was basically no chance I'll ever see him again. In a way it made me relieved, but mostly I just felt terrible. Knowing you'll never see some of your favorite people again really hurts. I hate this whole moving thing. I want both, but I can't...have both. It's messing me up. I am excited and also very, very depressed. I cry an awful lot.