Saturday, 12:26 p.m.   4 weeks from today Is it scary yet? Why does it seem surreal, like all of this is just a dream, this past year is just a dream, these preparations are fake, we're not really leaving, I don't really have a visa and a passport this is all a dream. This is all a very mixed feelings dream. It's a good dream because of my friends and because of how close I am to them and it's a good dream because of all these fantastic times I'm having, and it's fantastic because of Scott... And then it's a bad dream because always lurking in the back of my mind (mind lurker! get out!) is the fear of leaving. The Fear Of Change. I remember in fourth grade I Didn't mind moving at all; in fact, I actually was looking forward to it. I wasn't close to the boy next door anymore -- I hadn't been for a long time. My best friend across the street was annoying and I wasn't really going to miss her and I knew it. Besides, I was just moving to a city next door, so it wasn't like I'd never see these people ever again. But now... Half a globe away....seems farther than anything.. And sometimes it's hard for me to comprehend that there is anything but The United States out there, and how can anyone speak a language besides English and how can they live anywhere besides in the U.S.? But I realize this is a silly thought, I blame society. Just like everyone else blames society. I blame society for that too. Isn't "society" a sophisticated sounding word? Much like "sophisticated" is a sophisticated sounding word. Oooh, how sophisticated. Actually when I say "sophisticated" I think Daffy Duck or some other cartoon character with a lisp and I'm not sure why. "Sophisticated." Or maybe it's..that one cat kid. Sylvester the cat. Suffering Succotash or whatever. It sounds like Sophisticated. suffering sophisticated succotash. Yes, that must be it. I must still be tired.