i was just looking back over all my old entries then and i saw sumthing that kinda shocked me. even when i was going out with rebecca i never wrote anything in here about her. i wrote it all down on paper and i ended up filling one or two of the display books that i use for school...and i remember i burnt them cuz i was freaking out so much that sumone would read them. lame i know, but i htought it was about time that i put in a entry about her. it's really sad, but all the dates that i knew off by heart are starting to sli[ my mind. i used to know the first time we kissed, the first time i went out with her and the first time we slept together at the drop of a hat, but it's slipping. i will start with our first kiss. lol. i was a young tacker in year 8..it was my first kiss and her 3rd . it was on the 23rd June 2003. it was at a dance thing and i saw her from across the room and had to look twice because i didn't believe how beautiful she looked. well i put on all my charm..(or not, lol...i was sweating like a little girl) i went up to her and asked her to dance...yeah she turned me down. lol. but thank god her friends were there to force her to dance with me. fuck i sucked with my smooth moves that night. i must have looked like a tool box out on the dace floor. moving half fucking relaxed and half fucking tight with tension. well..one by one her friends knicked off and it was me and her left. i asked her to cum out side to get sum air. lol...yeha she took the offer and i almost passed out becasue my heart was going so fast. we kissed...after another smooth line by me..(pfft). the song that was on when we kissed was "push it"...lol...romantic. it was the happiest that i had been in fucking ages. it was cool. the rest of the night was a blur, it went so fast. we kinda kept in contact over the next few weeks and finally we met up again at the battle of the bands in rainbow. it was another fucking great night. i remember some one asked me what was my favourite part of the night and the only thing that i could remember of the 4 hours was seeing rebecca again...and then the end of the night. "time flys when ur having fun" we lost contact for ages. i don't know if i saw her for the next year.. if we did, it must have been a fleeting moment. i might have seen her twice before... i started VET in year 10 and worked for the fantastic Safeway. i saw her on the bus one morning and couldn't believe it was her. i didn't know what to think...my thoughts all lead back to those two nights that we had. lol. the only thing that o could get my head around was that she had become more good looking. VET went on and on and every second wednesday i talked to her on the bus. i was silly enough to like another girl at the time...and rebecca, being the open girl that she is, came straight out and told me that she liked me...but only as a "pick up buddy". i feel sorry for the poor lass. little did she know that i could read through her deep brown eyes. i kinda had a feeling that she liked me a little more than she was letting on. finally on may the 18th i kissed her again at VET one day. it was just as i had remembered it and i knew that i liked it. the days kept peeling by...my thoughts drifting to her more and more... we started to keep contact at home as well as at VET. and every time she happened to ring, the more and more i would forget about the other girl i liked. we had kinda promised each other that we would not get with anyone else. and i got a txt from her one morning and she was upset becasue she had been at a party the night before and kissed another girl. i thought it was funny. lol. so i took the opportunity to ask her out...that was on the Sunday 29th of May we went out...it was one of the best times i have had with a girl. she was everything that i looked for in a girl. not once did she crack the sads with me, she was always truthful towards her feelings, never covered up and respected me for me. everything seemed like it was perfect. she seemed to float...she was everything that i looked for. on 12th of june 2005 i slept with her. i have always wanted my first time to be with sumone that i cared for...and i got my wish. rebecca wanted her first time to be in a bed and to be in the dark, so i got that done for her. it was a magical night. one that i only let myself think about late at night...i vist it and lose my self...i lose my self in the magic. the full actions and happenings of that night will only be known be me and her...and it's our own little secret. time went by. it was right, everything was right. we were both happy. we had many good times and only one real bad time that comes to mind. on our 4th time, the condom broke. yeah...it isn't the best feeling to have. i felt it was my fault..and i had to fix it, but where was i going to start? the same night rebecca and i went to a party and she was on the floor in the first 15mins. she was mine...i looked after her all night, holding her hair out of her spew and keeping her safe. i tired to make her get sum sleep...i even get a knee in the nackers from her...but i didn't let her out of my sights for more than a few mins. we ended up getting the problem fixed up. i felt a whole weight lift from my shoulders. i didn't want to wreck the girl that i cared abouts life. still time went on. i went to a ski camp for a week and met a girl up there. i have always been strong in believeing not to cheat on ur g/f and i stuck to my guns while i was up there. i didn't want to, but i did. and then a little thought poped in to my mind and it stuck there. i started to think...rebecca had done so much more with guys than what i had done with chicks. i was up to my 4th kiss and rebecca was on 20-30+. she was my first real g/f..and i just started to think that it was unfair that i was going to miss out on all these chance to be with different girls...it isn't an excuse, but thats what i was thinking. and then i started getting sad cuz she lives so far away from me and i could never be with her when i wanted her the most. these two thoughts just started to nag at me the whole week i was up in the snow and finally when i got back i rang rebecca. looking back now it was a very silly thing to do. i ended 14 weeks of happiness over two thoughts. i borke up with her exactly 14 weeks to the day. we still keep in contact to this day and i love every moment of it. she still means the world to me and is very close to my heart. i would protect the kid with my life and do anything that she asked. the few times that we see each other these days are moments that i keep in my heart for long times. i don't think she knows the real reason that i broke up with her for...i don't think i really want her to know. it was stupid and i regret it to this day. we learn from our mistakes... well thats mine and her story...nothing more and nothing less. xoxo