i have doubted mysef twice in my life. once was a beautiful night early this year, and the other one was about 2 days ago. i try not to doubt myself becasue i like to think that when i make up my mind it is the right thing to do, doubt creeps in when i make up my mind sooooo strong and then someone fucks it over. i have already told you all about the night early this year, but now i want to tell you about 2 days ago.... becky, a girl from another town, and me were close. just unreal mates and shit. the same goes for kat. becky and kat are best mates. anyways one night kat did something stupid and almost killed her self. becky told me about it but told me not to tell kat that she told me. i was sooo fucking worried about kat, that i let slip that becky told me. kat told becky and she cracked it at me. nothing wrong with that becasue i fucked up, she has every right to get pissed off at me, but what isn't alright was that she went to pondy and told him everything that i told her. i trusted her that she asked those questions and i gave the answers and she wouldn't tell anyone. she told pondy what i had said and my best mate cracked it at me. it was wrong for me to talk about him behind his back, but every word of what i said was true. i made one thing up and thats it. as soon as that happened i fucking doubted myself again. i had sooo much trust going for her and she threw it all away. don't get me wrong, i am not saying i am the good guy, but 2 wrongs don't make a right. well things are slowly getting back to normal. it's been a few days since everything went down and pondy is talking to me again. i don't give a fuck about anything until i fix shit up with pondy. i talked to caitlin again today. i don't think she really understands the way i used to feel about her (used to being the k-e-y word) but we can still fucking get stuck in to a convo and she will open up to me. it's funny, but i used to be scared around her. that she could do anything to me cuz of the way i felt about her, but now, when i have a special force on my side...something that protects me...i can talk about anything and stay true to myself and other things. i also got told today that i throw the word love around to easy. i was thinking that it can mean different things to different people. maybe i don't talk about true love, but just love....for mates and family.. sorry if i didn't reply to any of u nice ppl that commented me in my last one. that got out of control and i couldn't keep up with who i had written back or not. sooo if i am not talking to you it don't mean that i don't love you any more. and can the big person that leaves Anonymous comments saying that i ain't aussie please have enough balls to leave a name, cuz i am aussie. more aussie than u will eva be. what the fuck are u saying about time difference?? u eva thought that it could be a days difference, dumb shit? peace to you all