found out the other day that brian baker died. it was on the 19th of april. he put the back lifter of his truck right into a power line and got 22, 000 volts put through him. the news paper reports said that he died almost straight away, they didn't say that who eva tried to revive him succeed for a brief moment. i didn't know him too well, only from the few moments that were few and far between. what i can say is this- he loved his family with all of his heart, he was a hard and honest worker that like to get the job done, his words (to me) even tho were few..always made me smile and finally he was an all round good bloke, no doubt. there wasn't much anyone could have done to save him, and i hate how it had to be him. he meant alot to many. i went around to rebecca's the day after i found out about it. (the 20th). it has to have been one of the hardest things that i have done. it is not a circumstance that many of us are put under. so many questions ran through my mind as i walked up their steps. all these questions were flowing through an already sad mind- what should i say? what do i do? how do i act? will i say sumthing wrong?- i didn't want to do any thing to make a shit situation worse. i didn't even get half way to the door and rebecca was already out and hugging me. i felt her shaking in my arms and her face pressed against my shoulder.. i knew then that i had to step it up and not think about my fucking self at this point. we went straight to rebecca's room and she laid on her bed. she held a picture of her and brian. a shot taken of her and him on a boat many years ago. i have been told and i have read that the best thing to do sumtimes is just listen and not talk. i had no idea what to say to her, so i just waited and let her be ready and talk. mainly she asked questions, when she started talking. there were mainly rhetorical ones, but i still felt like an asshole for not being able to help her find the answer. at one stage she asked me- "what am i going to do?" that was the only question that i answered...and i said " i'm not sure "...as i looked into her eyes that were filled with sad tears...slowly mine started to fill as well. it's the hardest question anyone can ask you. i didn't know what to say...and i stil don't. i stayed there for about 2 hours i think. i went out and saw janine and gave her a hug and she thanked me for cumming. i stood there and watched a mother and a daughter looking at each other and not knowing what to do. both feeling as numb as the oposite. i left...rebecca gave me a kiss and told that she loved me...and thanked me for all that i had done for her. i told her that i loved her back...but what i didn't tell her was that she didn't have to thank me for anything. it was the least i could do for her. she really is my everything...i would do anything for her. on the way home...i didn't know what to say to dad. i wasn't sure if i should talk or just watch the misty rain blow over the windscreen. the mist cleared up after a little bit and dad started telling me about his dad. dads father had died when dad was 12...and dad told me this- "i can't tell you what rebecca is going through now, even tho i have been through the same thing..everyone re-acts different to different things. i want you to know that the best u can do for her now is be there for her. she will need sumone to listen...so thats what u will do, sumtimes she won't even want to talk, just to sit there and have sumone with her. u just have to be there to help her out" i didn't know dad was that smart. makes me wish that he would open up to me even more. he has a little bit of knowledge in the brain. i'm pissed off that brian had to be taken, but i have accepted it and now am focused on helping rebecca. i want to be there when she needs me most. she has her court case cumming up soon, and i want to be there with her. i know that i will never put as much hope and courage into her as her father did, but i want to be there at her side in hard times. maybe me being there will give her that little bit of a push to get her over the line. i love rebecca and my heart goes out to both janine and her. P.I.P BRIAN