half way through my post hang over sleep today, scott decided to ring me. ( i didn't write about me getting drunk because it wasn't really worth it. me and joe got smashed and climbed on the high school roof and played football up there...went home and drank some more..watched terminator 2 and went to bed ). so i talked to scott...i have no doubts that he was drunk. it was cool to talk to him. it's been too long since me and him have talked. he did a lot of dumb shit when he was my age and i like to hear stories and advice to help me out. i've come to the conclusion that all teenages do dumb shit...no doubt, the best way to combat it is let them know what u've done so they can learn from you. i miss scott. i can't help but feel he was stolen from me. we were getting along like a house on fire and then he fucked off and chased his now wife. he is half a world away and i miss him. i'm glad that he is happy with sara...but how can he be my big brother when i've seen him maybe 3 times in about 3 years? i was a cunt to him when i was a kid. i used to push and push until he went over the edge and snapped. he just to bring the pain to me and then he would get in trouble cuz of it. it was always my fault. i'm sorry about that. like i said, i'm glad he has sara. sadly..i'm not that warm toward sara. in my eyes, she stole him. even the few times me and him have been together..(alone)..he talks about her..or her rings her (or she rings him)..or sumthing happens and it ends in mine and scott's thing being mine, scott and sara's thing. sara is a champ. i like her, but it don't really stop the feeling that she took sumthing that i really love. i want my brother here. i want to get drunk with him. i want to get advice from him. i want him to be there when i do well in sport. i want him to help me with school work. i want him to be the one that is the most dissapointed with me when i so sumthing stupid. i want to fight by his side and against him. i want my girlfriends to meet the guy i talk about so much. i just want a brother that is closer. ever since i was a young tacker, i used to watch everything he did and try and do it as well. i thought he was the bee's knees. i hear all the stories of uncle sime and uncle mark and what they used to do. i want to do that with scott. i'm scared that when (if) he makes it back to australia he will be too mature to be a bogan, a nuff, a drop kick, a dunder head, a lout, a holligan, a yobbo, a ruffian, a hoodlum...anything with me. i want to tell my kids stories of the silly shit i used to do with "uncle scott". i miss the guy that is one of my best mates, i miss the guy that understands me more than anyone else, i miss my own flesh and blood...but most of all, i miss my big brother.