after about maybe 3 and a half weeks of not talking to rebecca, i rang her last night. thought it would be like old times..i should have known i was going to be wrong. i had a fuck load on my mind and needed to talk to sumone. she is my first person (was my first person) that i look to to sort out my dirty washing. she used to listen and help me out...but now things are different. i told her straight that i needed sumone to help me..i needed sumone to listen to my shity little problems....and she told me straight back that she didn't want to listen. fair enough she has more than enough of her own shit to deal with...but still... she has always been there to put me back on track and lsat night she told me, in less than maybe 6 lines, she don't wanna hear my crap at the moment. well that fucked me. i don't know where to look for help now...cuz of her i have standards. a lot of ppl aren't meeting them at the moment...which leads me to lock shit up and get in fucked up moods. not cool. i don't know...it's selfish to look to her for help at the moment, but she has shut me out...and in doing that she has shut me down for the moment. because i'm not telling sumone my crap, i haven't been sleeping the best. cuz when the lights go out, i start to think. kinda sucks...all the little things are starting to add up in to one big ass fuck. i don't think she understands.... on shitter news i found out today that my go to lady at school...(mrs petchel)...just got ass fucked. her winner of a husband just up and left her. no reason...he just walked out on her...the stories go that he fucked off for a younger teacher that was a teacher here last year. i have no respect for that fuck anymore. no fuck should up and leave with out telling their partner. mrs p is a stand up kinda girl. i got nothing but respect for her...and he has turned round and ass fucked her. i got nothing but love for mrs p. she has always been there for me. thats about all at the moment. nothing else is really going on. i'm kinda missing sumone to talk to at the moment...but i will get there in the end.