i feel like i should be apologizing. january 1st, around the time duration of 1am-5am, i was thinking obsessively about sergio. how? how did my brain possibly drifted out back into this? i was doing better, so much better. and last night, i must admit i started again. and i looked at the clock and it was staring back 10:22 at me. 10:22...october 22nd... & i had this dream, where he and i were back together. of course it wasn't back to how it used to be, with so much shit that happened between us, it would be impossible for things to go back to how they used to be. in my dream, i didn't constantly talk to him on the phone. actually, i didn't ever talk to him on the phone in my dream. but he and i, we were both happy. i don't know if all this is a reminder that i shouldn't give up on him. but won't life understand that i've tried so many more times than he did to rejuvenate our relationship? perhaps i'm not the one who should be cursed with insomnia and all these memories shoved in my face. i shouldn't be the one suffering. if anything, do this to him. because he's moving along just fine, he's left these memories long ago. i even started thinking about those horrid summer memories again, and i've tried so hard to block them out. they were truly horrible and just... really trigger some painful memories. god the new year already started out all wrong.