i've officially drag myself down into a deep state of concern and sadness, and let's not forget unnecessary worry. i've been thinking relentlessly about my departure in two weeks and whether anything will occur between him and i to make us final, official, an item. yet i know that we both don't want that. but i know leaving things as they currently stand means i will probably lose him again. but how can i lose him if i don't even really have him? excessive babbling is a bad habit. i mean, it's rather vague and nondescript to public readers but in my head, it's connected by the past, by names, by little details. i'm anticipating to the day where we'll see each other again and i hate the fact that i'm anticipating. i don't want him to mean anything in my life anymore.