fucckk! i'm stuck in this stupid hole he left me in and that i've dug further deeper. and nobody's helping me out, they're merely glancing and walking past by. cyc thanksgiving dinner tonight. i remember last year was great. why? well, he was there. i want him back sometimes, this is so hard. i'm so not attracted to anybody else. my eyes were watery earlier. i'm trying not to cry but my emotions feel so overbearing. i can't control it anymore. to top it all off, i'm behind in calculus and i can't finish all that crap because i'm getting sick. i really do wish i had him. even if i was miserable at times. at least i had him. i had somebody who cared somewhat.