so i was telling liz about how i wanted to ask a guy (my ex-boyfriend but we haven't talked in months) to be my friend w/ benefits. and she said it was weird to ask out of the blue and it would freaked him out. so i should start trying to be friends with him first. but now i'm reconsidering it and i'm not so sure if it's a good idea. what if i get attached? am i going to be using him for physical pleasure forever? when am i gonna stop? what if he doesn't even want to? i don't know. i sent him a message just to be cool with him again. but even that is making me anxious. i don't want to be all nice with him again, he hurt me in a way no one else could. he caused me severe depression and nights like these when i can't sleep. he made me do stupid things to myself. he screwed me over. he used me. maybe this is a perfect chance for revenge. but i don't think i'm that type of person, i can't really do that to someone. maybe it's good to just be on good terms with eachother. i don't know, life without him is less complicated and that's why i like it. bringing him back might do harm. but too late, the message's sent and i'm just waiting anxiously for a respond, that is if he chooses to reply.