i finally finished reading rain of gold by victor villasenor. really good read, i enjoyed that book. afterwards, i kept going off in spanish at random times. the novel took 12 years to write because villasenor had dyslexia. and it's a true story too, it's based on the lives of his forebears. i can't wait to read burro genius. i was so pissed off during fifth period. i didn't go to yearbook. instead, i went to ms. willis's class to make up a lab i missed on monday. i sat with patsy & verna's table. big mistake, i felt like i was doing all the work. so in the end, i didn't have time to write up my conclusion and i asked ms. willis for an extension, i told her that i would do it afterschool. but she said she was leaving. i was so fumed. i just stormed out of there. honestly, you shouldn't be a teacher if you're not going to give a shit about the students. and to make matters worse, i already had a c in that class. she could at least cut me some slack. oh i don't know, i just felt like venting right now. i'm listening to pretty mellow music from the garden state soundtrack. why do these songs kind of stir up memories of him?? i feel like such an isolated and hostile person nowadays. it's horrible, i felt like juan in the book when his mother told him he had the devil inside of him. i also feel like lupe, when she lost her "truelove". but then again, he wasn't really her truelove, for juan was. so maybe i'm mistaken about my truelove too. i don't know, i'm so flustered over the future. i don't think i want to major in economics anymore. i think i want to go into social work, but the pay is so cheap. i don't know what college i'm going to. i kind of had my mind set on ucr but i was just do disturbed and disappointed. my excitement about college plummeted. i should look into those cal states and maybe mt. st. mary's. god... i just don't know!! gil is so lucky for getting into ucla, claremont, and usc. i know it's more than luck that got him in though. i see the mistakes in my uc application now that i browse through it once again. my best is not enough. it never is.