i can't say i was really close to her, yet she's a great loss in our school community. and a great loss in my high school life. she was my avid teacher, ap macro/micro mentor, counselor and the avid coordinator. ever since freshman year, i always went to her for any academic question because she always had the answer. that's how great she was at her job -- even before she passed away, i always think about how she's like the perfect counselor. you always hear about seniors going through problems because they're missing a class or whatever that's required for graduation. but ms. grings will never let that happen to her students. in addition, being an avid student, avid was her priority and i appreciated that. so at the memorial today, people were talking about her life and after finding out more personal details about her, i felt worse because i saw how much of a great person she was. she was humble and never desired more, unlike the majority of people today who desire for big houses and fancy cars. she was content with everything she had and she absolutely loved her son. her sister, elaine, talked about how ms. grings kept a journal where she would write 5 things she was grateful for everyday and there were time gaps here and there but she would write things down about her family, her son and little silly things that are just simple things we don't appreciate -- warm baths, getting out early on tuesdays, the way the sun streamed through her kitchen window and i learned that she loved watching the hawks fly over our school. these little details amaze me because i never knew this side of her; how humble she was, how grateful she was for everything and how she never took anything for granted. ms. grings amazes me and although i saw her name on where her ash was going to be stored, it's really hard to think about the fact that she's gone. i'm so used to seeing her name here and there at school. i'm so used to her prescence. since she was cremated, we don't see the actual coffin and it's difficult to understand that she's dead because you don't see it. i wish i would have gotten the chance to truely thank her and express my gratitude for all her hard work. she never complained about anything. it's so unfair that cancer took her away because she didn't have the chance to see her son graduate college and marry and have kids. she never had the opportunity to be a grandparent. she had much more to live for. but i hope that wherever she's at now, that she's in peace and in a way, i'm glad that she's not struggling with her illness but still, i mainly feel uneased, knowing she had more to live for, knowing that i never got the chance to really tell her how much i appreciate her and how much she meant to our class. i have a guilt inside of me. i can still easily picture her in my head; behind her desk in her office where i spend my third period, walking around and looking at me as if i should be in class already... it's all so sad. i wish she was still here. i feel so uneased. i feel so uncomfortable. i really really really wish she never left. r.i.p c a r o l g r i n g s 1944-2005 it's so strange seeing her name and knowing she's gone...