tomorrow. is the police brutality protest & would've been our 1-year. sad to say, i kind of expected to get back together by tomorrow. but i'm slowly grasping the thought that he's not coming back. i think no matter how miserable life gets for him, he rejuvenates it by going to shows, rallies, or protests. and then all of a sudden, his life is a-ok again! my english teacher was talking briefly about anarchy and i wish sergio was there to hear it. it's what i try to tell him. but to him, i'm stupid, i'm "brainwashed". i looked to 2 people to keep me preoccupied tomorrow, just for... safety reasons. but one's busy and the other has probably forgotten about it. and it makes me fall into a deeper hole of loneliness, realizing i don't have anyone. there seems to be this empty void that i keep trying to replace. but frankly, it's not working out quite that well. i wish somebody out there could tell me what i should do. somebody who could go into the future and know the intricate details of my past, and tell me what i should do in order to benefit in the future -- in order to be happy in the future. being saddened by your boyfriend is internal pain, being saddened by your crush is a major disappointment. i prefer the first because the keyword there is boyfriend. at least i got one. it's not like i feel the need to have someone. well physically, in a way, i do. but, it's hard to explain it really. i know we were complete opposities. they only time we felt as one is when we laugh together or act like dorks together. or moments where it's just me and him and no one is around. times when we let loose and enjoyed ourselves. we could tell eachother anything and everything, as if we were soulmates. and it seems as if every difference vanished. if i could go back in time, i'd go back to july 10th and prevent that from happening and then i'd go back to wednesday where i had my driving test and never allowed that error to occur. because i'm being screwed right now by the darn dmv. i listen to "maps" by the yeah yeah yeahs and damn, i can sing along and feel what the singer is feeling so perfectly that it's a little scary.