"when coasting in our comfort zones, we don't grow. we continue to do more of the same. maintaining a comfort zone can paradoxically, lead to discomfort in the long run. if by being comfortable we avoid important life issues, internal tension accumulates. eventually, as both internal and external pressures for change persist, the 'comfort zone' ceases to serve us." --eric allenbaugh it takes effort to change. what i want to do to encourage change in my life _read books for inspiration [currently reading the gospel of mary magdalene, beyond anything you've read regarding christ. i'm not really religious, just curious over controversies. i feel torn, will explicate upon that later.] _find a mentor [had one but lost her.] _seek out support _take a course [shall take ap psychology next semester (=] _begin volunteering @ ca peace in january _try to start volunteering @ vote for equality in jan/feb before ballot begins reading the gospel of mary magdalene called for so much from me. the gospel, actually, is really short. there were also pages missing when it was discovered so it's really short. but the preface really drawn me into it. and the introduction had me, then lost me. it talked about an intermediate world, and it began to explain about this intermediate world and it was rather confusing. it's really difficult to comprehend because it deals with something beyond this reality we believe is the only realm that exists. it's hard to believe there's something out there, something more. we can't believe what we can't see. well that's the case with liz and i at least. i feel torn, i don't know which path in life i'm suppose to take. and maybe you're thinking that it's okay, i'm only seventeen. but i'm almost eighteen, and sergio knows his path in life. i don't know if i'm suppose to be a peace advocate, i have so much sympathy for those suffering in africa, and in third-world countries. i only wish i had the money to go there and the money to donate and help out. i realize i can travel there and create a program to create awareness. that'll be the best project ever to work on, to know i'm helping people that we disregard everyday as we sunbathe and go shopping and watch movies. we are perhaps a bit too sheltered from the world is what i'm trying to imply. and then i feel like maybe i was meant to be religious. maybe that's why sergio and i weren't meant to be together, because he turned really anarchist. and he bashed religion a lot... but the things he say makes sense but i believe its the misinterpretations of christianity and the bible that led to its hypocrisy and occasional sexism. i believe the way it originated was really all-good and pure. mary magdalene's gospel really contradict other gospels and that's why there's conflicts in my head right now. my third path is probably politics because sergio introduced me to this whole anarchy scene. and i really want to volunteer for the ca peace people! i can't possibly do all three. maybe first and second. or first and third. i don't know, taking back sunday is screaming from my laptop speakers right now.