Finally these wheels hit concrete facing the direction home. I wonder what she’s thinking and how I could possibly fit into those thoughts. It may seem cliché or make me into the billionth guy to write that line, but I'm so uninventive sometimes. Kinda makes me question everything about myself and how unappealing I could be to anyone right now. These insecure moments in my life where I couldn't hate myself anymore. Maybe she woke up this morning and missed me, or maybe she was in such a hurry she pushed back my existence until she had time to remember it. And when she looked at that face in the mirror did she admire that beauty that's tearing me in two right now? I fear the thought is keeping me from looking at my own reflection knowing I’d want to beat this face up. I’m not good enough. I’m too ugly. Maybe since I’ve been gone she finally realized she’s too good for me. I imagine her getting up and dressing for those boys at school. But then again... sometimes.. I think too much. This drive drags on for what seems like days. I’d die just to see a bar of reception on my phone. I’m coming home. Don’t forget me yet. My mind is broken down. I miss her and no words can convey that well enough. I just need to hear her say my name and whisper the she loves me before I fall asleep. And I’d sit and listen to her breathe as she slept and I’d never wish to be anywhere else. To have no other moments without her in them. But this car seat is home for now, and these thoughts occupy time. Just minutes closer, but not close enough. ........................................................................... This guy’s laying on his break lights miles outside the next sign of civilization. The front seat is staring back teasingly almost saying “I’ll get there sooner than you.” Any thought at this point is welcome just to ease my mind from thinking about my full bladder and how it deals with windy mountain roads. He’s probably from Kansas, or some place of that like. So used to flat plains and corn fields, these California mountains have his foot permanently hovering over the break. I realized partaking in the cursing of the driver ahead with my father and brother was not improving my situation or my blood pressure I’d sink into my ipod. Ever since I was a kid when someone annoyed me I imagined seriously destroying them. I would have to bite down on my tongue and a take deep breath until it passed. But here I am now biting my tongue and envisioning tailgating this cum wad and slowly pushing his car off the cliff watching it crash and explode as it scraped and bounced against the jagged rocks. This could mean I’m insane or could just be my very upset, and now full, bladder speaking.