48 If you understand this- I am impressed 3/10/2003 READ THE TITLE- THAT'S A WARNING I'm reminiscent to my past because it lands up carving my future. I can't hear you when you say things I don't want to hear. My selective hearing is of course key to how I end up living my days out. If I don't want you around "poof!" You're gone and are no more. I concentrate so hard on some things, other things just seem to lose importance. "What's that you say? I see your lips moving but I can't make out a word you're saying" Most likely because I don't want to. I guess it's true, I can only focus my attention at one person at a time, but look - I'm not fucking Houdini here. Just like I don't have 50 arms and can only do so much at one time. I really wish I would write my thoughts down everyday- not just my thoughts- but what I throughout the day. Just one thing I know I would love to look back on- something I could share w/ my grand kids and say "yeah this is what life was like for me back in the day."Would they care? Who knows, but I would like to think they just might. But now that I think about it- I wouldn't want them to know. I'm such a bad role model. I wouldn't want any kid turning out like me. I hate hard work- I lose interest in things so fast. My parents would agree.I would always try out different things as a kid - music lessons, sports, art classes- only to get bored in the first few weeks. I always wanted to be home doing what I wanted to- usually to ride my bike with Nicole and play our games that we made up- naked lady island was her idea. TWISTER- what a game. You start out so ready to play and clear headed, until you are tangled up and clearly confused (oxymoron). What a great way to sum up life. We are constantly battling this game of twister with ourselves and society.Sometimes I think about things too much until I wish my brain would explode. How many different escapes are there these days? For the youth today it's either impale myself on some Schmirinoff vodka, smoke a bowl, mutilate myself, or why not just kill myself? So many wastes. If only people could realize how beautiful a human life is. It isn't something you can make in a factory or something you can give shelf life to. It needs love and affection, but it also needs rules in discipline, but if people only knew the limits. If everyone could just be on the same page, we could make such a wonderful world. But no, the world has to be full of psychos, assholes, and perverts. You got to wonder what went wrong or or what went bad in their fertilizer, or maybe WHAT THE HELL they sat on. How big really is that stick you got shoved up your ass? I think the world would be so much better if we all just started helping each other pull the sticks out from each others asses. Understand that all of us- you and me- all have sat on one somewhere along the way. We really aren't so different. I guess I don't really know though, I have selective hearing.