I’ve run out of things to say, and this could be a tragedy until you realized you were sick of hearing me talk about the samethings over and over. I’ve got the bitchin’ and the moanin’ down to an art form - no one can complain just quite like me. I was driving with a silence hanging hard on my dashboard, I was driving wishing I wasn’t going where where I was. The sceptic smell of hospital floors washed until the sick feels safe. I couldn’t quite say or bring myself to think that this place is something great. Excuse me as I get brash and lash out ... I’m here, so what? This is the place that ruins me from the moment I step inside. Thoughts always race through my head unraveling down to my feet until I can’t move anymore. In waiting rooms always awaiting the worst. I’m positive I’m not so negative- but that was monthes ago. Here’s the deal, I just have to learn to deal. I was a kid once running through the streets scraping my knees and tearing clothes hopping the back yard fence. Mom knew the routine -neosporine, bandaides and a new shirt . Things you take for granted are always what seem to disapear the fastest. I was a naive teenager giving my parents shit, didn’t even think of it. “FUck you” it’s so easy to say and so hard to take back. COming home late- mom knew the routine- about the viseen and the blood shot eyes never willing to crompromise. Things I took for granted, that stupid shit I can’t ever take back. It gets locked in the back of my mind until it’s the only thing that keeps me up at night. I can kick myself over and over as hard as I want, but it doesn’t change anything. These are the things that go through my head when I have to look at mom on the hospital bed. I was never anything special but especially stupid. And I know your eyes and mind are fogged with love, but you’re missing my point- I wasn’t what I was supposed to be , and it’s even harder to think I was when you say I was everything and more than you thought I could be.