My nights don’t know the word sober anymore. With the fleeing of the sun comes the popping of bottles tops or flames against green. Tonight my name is written all over a little blue pill with the impression of two hands in the shape of a heart. I’d like to think maybe this is my heart, these are my hands, this is my brain I’m frying away into oblivion. My girl she shakes her head, my girl she doesn't like it. “Chad baby you cant go a day without it” And baby I know my limits and I know how it’s been since my mamma passed away. I got this dependency that's pulling me through, and if it gets me there I'll ride it all the way. So let’s see honey... one blue pill. Four water bottles in a green back pack across her shoulders. ONe big city with my name written all over it for just this one night. I can wait so patiently for my blood to start to flow and my pupils to dilate just like I was waiting in line as a kid at the ice cream truck. I’ll walk these city streets until the lights swallow me whole and the ground opens up and takes me in. Slowly my veins open up and my senses become senseless until I start to realize what they meant all these years. I wish someone would touch me. I cant stop touching myself. I can’t stop dancing with these girls. I cant stop feeling anything I can put my fingers to. I feel so good... “its time to go” I feel so good... Until.. The bass in the car feels like it will make my insides burst out my pores. Until we are stuck in bumper to bumper traffic and she’s rubbing my back.. “baby just breathe and relax.” but that's so much easier said than done right now. I can’t stop shaking or feeling like my stomach is gonna come out my neck. The cars to my right feel directly on top of my lap. Everything’s closing in and I can’t unbuckle myself. I don’t like this feeling, I don’t have any control. I’m so scared my legs are shaking against the dash. I wish baby was here to throw arms around me and slow my breathing down to any normal pace. Her touch would feel like velvet, Everything feels so good. Everything feels so smooth. I forget the world to rub my legs. I just want to forget the outside to rub my fingers through my hair. Baby this is ecstasy.