39 Just me- a little RANT a lil' RAVE 2/26/2003 Sometimes ut gets to the point where every little thing boils my blood and makes me want to punch my fist through the wall. I hate bad breath screaming in my face- takes me back to "You don't really know what you want." And in this time and place you would be 100% correct- I have no idea what i want or what i want to do. Back in grade school I had this crazy notion I wanted to be a fire fighter, crazy I know. But rewind a few years before to these big dreams of being a rockstar. And it seems as you get older everything just seems so impossible or just straight up a "reatarded idea." So I get older and see a job in a cubicle 5 days a week could very well be my future. Isn't this what this private college prep school is all about? Instead of working at Jiffy Lube, My respectable parents will pay all this money so they don't have a loser kid. "cause when little Timmy and all these family friends are heading off to Harvard and becoming doctors- you don't want the kid working downtown to be yours. You never hear about Rick who dropped out of High School, and you never talk about Rachel who dropped out of junior college 'cause she became pregnant at 18 by some drugged out convict. It's this high society I'm living in, if you only knew. It's almost shameful for my mom to be sick. It's shameful for me to want to be anything less than the standard they hold over my head. Nicole once told me "Hey this is how we were raised and what we have to be around the rest of our lives. Might as well get used to it 'cause we'll probably turn out the same way." And if that's the truth, I don't want to believe it. You work so hard to break this rich white boy stereo type- but their always trying to hold you back. I just want to pave my own path w/o any help or any special advantages. There are kids out there who work ten times as hard as me, and I'd rather their hard work pay off then have me get something handed to me 'cause of my family or where/how I was raised. To me this world works in messed up ways. To most people you can't understand what i'm saying or what i'm complaining about, but if you only knew. A constant rope around your neck of how your supposed to and how your supposed to act, it's all bullshit. What I'm getting at- If Mr.Larson wants to sit there and make these disaproving faces at where I want to go to colleg, or wants to brag about his kids going through law school ( even though we all know they didn't want to) and try to act sympathetic towards my mom but only thinking it's so disgusting to be sick, and is only interested in my dad's latest client, THEN FUCK THAT. EAT SHIT. I'm not becoming that OR a product of that.