What brought me here? I couldn't really remember. The demanding schedual of the last week had me reading more text from computer screens that I couldn't sleep at nightbecause my eyes had been burned open from fake lighting. I needed to escape the papers i was writing and the school work which was slowly replacing my social life. My body needed out from the college diet which my roommates and I called 'kraft mac 'n' cheese'. As a kid I dreamed of the day I could eat such cuisines everynight. But now as a legal adult, I'd give anything to see a real vegetable. The climax of the week came with the revelation the weather had grown cold. The excitement knowing we could now wear our scenester pea coats and undeniably cool scarfs was as welcomed as milk with cookies. (mmmm) I zipped up my hoodie, the one I bought weeks earlier from the hardcore show. PUt my jacket on so the hood from underneath would flood over the back. I just thought I'd take her offer for a movie as an inviting gesture to break away from the new found redundance of my life. The parties had died out during mid term period, but I still needed this, I still needed to get out. It didn't accure to me until we werewalking out of the movie through the rain that I wasn't happy being there with her, or being there at all for that matter. She seemed too at ease, too content walking shoulder to shoulder. As if every brush by was some subtle way of flirting. At what point did movie going become an automatic date if two oppostie sexes attended together? On the drive back to her dorm I began to think that maybe I assumed too much and she merely thought of this in the same friendly manor as did I. As I did spend a good percentage of my conversation time spilling my emotions for my significant other, my said girlfriend, my announced and proclaimed love of this life time... I hate to think upon arriving to her dorm room I didn't expect anyhting more then friendly conversing. A correlation of words that would make up for the hours of human contact I had lacked working on sociology papers. I didnt realize how niave I was this entire night. It hit when she thrust her hand upon my thigh in mid awkward silence. There was no need to venture any higher before aquiring my things and making a hasty rush for the door. It wasn't that I was mad or embbarrassed. It was the mere fact I was stupid for thinking a movie shared between two people of the opposite sex was anything but friendly. As I walked out to the parking lot it all came to me. THe cold hit my face, not in a bitter way, but in a refrshing way. The wet pavement crunched under my converses, I couldn't help but smile. even laugh to myself. I skipped a few steps through puddles before residents of porter and cresque gave me unwelcoming looks wondering of my retarded state. I didn't care. I denied this girl, I lost a friend. But I didn't care. I knew why I didn't want to be there in the first place with her. It was because I wanted to be with "her". The one I actually cared about. THe one who talked me through the week. The one who helped me write my paper. I knew then in the middle of the ucsc campus.. That I was, INDEED, in love.