Here it is, what no one would ever expect at this moment. It’s me calm and collected at ease with anything given to me right now. There’s a lot that can be said for all the thoughts that have gone through my head in the last week, but there is no real way for me to simply sum them up. If only I could remember everything I resolved in my head while in the hospital, those thoughts seemed to make so much sense then. They might be lost to me now, but what can you do? They were most likely some brash ideas that sounded ok in my heavily sedated state. But yet there is still something that lingers with me, the one feeling that stuck that I realized was there all along but hidden somewhere beneath my blind eyes. For days I felt the pain in my side, but put it off as nothing but a passing sore that goes away and can be hid for moments time with a pop of an aspirin. I wouldn’t miss out on New Years, which drinking most likely put me over the edge of no return. When two days later I couldn’t move without feeling razor sharp pain excreting from within, I knew this was it. With the last days closing in before a good amount of my friends went back to college, I felt cheated that those days would be spent in some bed a hundred other patients have rested on. Maybe the days went by fast under such medicine that would make a horse fall asleep, or maybe it was drawn out and long missing everything she did for me everyday since I’ve been home. When the brief minutes passed that my vistors seemed to linger, I couldn’t keep my heavy eyes open because every pill I took held them down. And when I couldn’t make out their words anymore, I just asked you to keep talking and to hold my hand. And the only thing I could make out was the warmth I felt before I fell asleep and your voice, which seemed to be the only one in the room. And before when I thought nothing of us it changed; and during each day you were my friend I wished only that you would stay that way. It would take a lot for me to tell you what it is I am trying to convey here today. There is no possible way I could say it, for I still almost find it impossible to think it. So it’s back to my thoughts. Sometimes there are times for taking chances, but with what I have left maybe there’s no use because you’re not worth losing.