me: you me jen and kristin should egg some houses jon: hahaha ok me: though i dont have anyone to really egg... jon: let's egg your house me: superb me: then it is agreed jon: YES me: lets get subway too jon: YES me: man i have a craving me: i think im pregnant jon: is it mine? me: you or about 32 other people... me: so many candidates me: im such a slut me: we should egg ex's me: all four of us me: video tape it me: then drop off the tapes at their houses me: of us all having sex jon: HAHAHHAA me: thats how to deal with ex girlfriends me: dude I also figured out in my drunken stupor how to get away from the cops. it all came about when I flipped the LAPD off on sunset. jon: hahaha you would barker. me: check this out... The most important factor of a clean get away is the perfect excuse. This can easily be achieved by holding - at all times - a photograph of your dog. If you don't own a dog, then steal your neighbor's dog and take a photo of it. This way, no matter what you're doing out in the middle of the night, when the cop pulls you over and starts asking questions you can whip the picture of your dog out, fake a few tears, and tell the cop that you and your drunk-stoned friends are looking for your lost dog. Cop - "Why were you going 20 over the speed limit?" You - My dog runs really fast!" Cop - "What were you guys doing camped under that bridge over there where nobody could see you?" You - "Looking to see if my dog ran into one of the dark crevasses!" Cop - "So if you're looking for your dog, why are all your friend's apparently drunk?" You - "They are really depressed officer, that dog was our best friend." Its a flawless plan, and almost guaranteed to work. Just keep your cool, look the cop in the eyes, and let him know that your dog kicks ass. You're sure to get off the hook. jon: oh shit! dude, can i take pictures of your dog? me: man that's my dog! how can you ask me something so disgusting! first you want to take pictures of my girlfriends, then my dog? jon: you're dog is so hot though, mine only has three legs. me: you're demented man. you need to get laid.