No they won't understand this, but no onw rarley ever understands anyone but themselves, right? It's a lost cause thinking you know someone so well, because 2nd week and they could flip a turn, a fucking 180 and be someone else. Don't kid yourself, don't buy into the crap your mind is feeding you. Forget everything you know to this point, because everything has an oposing view point and could somehow be proven wrong. So how do ever know you are really right? No more drinks, I have had one too many. But this time I won't open my lips, there will be no pressure to preform. Extra ordinary, what'd you see in me? And what if I looked different? Could you still appreciate the person inside of me? Or am I just a lost cause? Am I anything to anyone at this point? What if I was gone tomorrow? WHat if I just died? WOuld you be able to remember me for anything worth remembering? I think I'm forever in love with you. Just tell me you know me so well and could love me for me. And what now? Some lie you get fed, fed-ex my heart down south. Lost in the mail again. Lost in the drink which pushes me to the brink to think I am me, but what is that? And right now my more than intoxicated body wants to crawl all over you. I need you now, I want your body so close to mine. And I'd hold you and think "I never want this to end." But what use are thoughts when they are based in dreams? I might as well never exist to you or to anyother living creature with a memory or emotional attatchment because eventually I will die abd akk I ever did will be forgotten. Once I leave, no one will ever be able to feel such things as the power of love. FUck this. Fuck the feeling of my stomach turning when you talk, fuck the everlasting thoughts of you that never cease to haunt me, and fuck me for closing my eyes kissing other girls pretending everyone is you. And why lose you when Andy has already been taken from this world? Is there no mercy for anyone these days? Is anyone genuinly happy with their life? So here we go, here I go. Remember back 2 yeas, drinking until I dropped. Teenage AA, what was I? STUPID? Yes. A GIRL CAN BE THE WORST DRUG IN THE WORLD. A fucking gateway drug. A dead end the ends. You to dead. I died back then an just now hav ebeen brought back to life, as someone else so much more gracious and deserving is taken away from this goddamn world. It's decided. THere is no point to any of this. We are just Darwin's theory, evolution at it's finest. Just organisms that survived the most tests to stay on thi screwed up fucked up planet. But that's my fault. BLAME IT ALL ON ME. It's only fair. WAke the fuck up and realize I love you. HUrt me. HURT ME! Damn it just reawakens what I thought was real. Reassures me how much I love you. If it didn't hurt it would mean I didn't care. So a toast to Andrew and my love. I don't recall how long it's been, but I believe I fell in love with you when we first met. It's been such a long time hun. So don't blame it all on this bottle running empty, don't say it's because I just lost smoeone and just need someone to be there and tell me its all ok. Just don't say anything at all. Don't ruin this. THis moment, jost lost in this moment. My hand keeps writing and nothing that makes sense to you at this time makes complete sense to me now.