I've tried over and over to find any phrase that would break this writers block of mine. Nightmares of letters written in ink dribbling off pages and drowning me in their taunts. No matter how hard my arms would flail and I pushed to swim, nothing was gained and no ground was won. So I awoke and stared at blank pages wishing they'd paper cut me to death. Any inspiration to verse that would lead to leakage from my pen I would take. But the parchment got whiter and the ink dried out. I'd say I was drained the day my mother's body was burried 6 feet under the soil. Every ounce of anything I would ever say fell from my mouth and slowly soaked into her grave. So as quickly as she was gone, was as fast as my inspiration fled. I just wish i coud sit on the edge of my bed and hold onto my post, steady the myself to let the world slow down. It happened so fast. Everything was a blur. It just happened so fast. emotion sicknesss mixed with some vodka and salt. So hard to take down, and so harsh coming back up. And I'd never let it show, because because the thought just tore me apart. So inside everything emotions begin to rot, until its so soiled its start to show on the outside. slowly coming to the surface, until its cut open the flesh. So there's no other choice but to break in two and watch my heart shatter on the floor. get swept away under the floor boards where its kept our little secret. The days I drowned in my own tears in front of you. I hope you took that to heart. There was no use for pens and paper anymore, except maybe to aid the taking of my life. But I never liked blood and I never took pain too well. So they sat to collect cob webs I could count in my spare time. And I know these words dont mean much, but they're the first I've written freely in months. I forced my fingers not to let go of this pen, so afraid giving in would mean the complete end. If i never started, I wouldnt ever try again. The cold is setting in, and my body's grown numb to the chair. My hands are freezing, but constantly in movement. I know what's happened. If it wasnt for you,I would have never even tried. If it wasnt for you, my heart would still be under the floor boards waiting forever to be picked back up again. If it wasnt for you, these words would have remained barried.. waiting to be discovered again. If it wasnt for you i would have forgotten all meanings of the word love.