Thanks everyone for your support and comments, it's without a doubt very appreciated. I just feel like I've been in a HUGE writing slump lately because of things going on in my life. It's been a rough month emotionally. I feel like it's taken something out of me. It doesn't help either that when I go to write it just comes out sounding completely crappy to me. However though, I am going to try to keep writing- hoping eventually it will slowly come back to me. So excuse the shitty writing for awhile. THanks for reading, love you all. Hugs and sloppy kisses, Chad P.S. Don't read the next part. I'm serious, it'll just be a waste of your time. Everyone should just wait like 2 months before they read this journal again. If I knew what ten hundred years felt like I think I might say “god it seems like forever since we last spoke.” So if my memory fails me right I might forget every word I’ve been practicing for a year… just if by luck I ever had this moment. And just as I dreamed in those nightmares made of perspiration and tar, the words slip and dribble from my mouth and crawl between your legs to reside under the floor. Oh what games we used to play as kids- always the run-around-show-around-talk so loud- you’re lucky you have me. I remember those winter days bundled in blankets going to watch your soccer matches. Knowing I was there, you’d never slip me a glance even when I screamed your name. You knew what I wanted, but you liked being so cool. I’d always smile and wave at you from half field, covered in mud and playing poorly knowing your eyes would catch my every move. Though I’d do my worst, you’d play it off like I was at my career pinnacle that day. I never understood those big blue eyes, the ones who would watch my every move as if it were the best seat-clenching movie of our time. I never thought I was very interesting, until you wanted to read me like a book that must not omit any passage. You were the best friend that somehow got through, the one who broke down the wall without even tarnishing a brick. I don’t know what you remember, but I remember it so well. Lying under that Oak tree behind Jessie’s house, you swore I was the best friend you’d ever have. I tried to promise you some forever I couldn’t even grasp at 16. And behind those childhood fantasies we somehow lost the reality of it all. So three years later…. here …at a party…and…. I can’t even find the drunken slurred words to properly say “hello.” I look at your mouth move and I’d love to rip my mouth in two knowing there is no use for it now. Because my mind is playing games thinking…’ will you just fucking be my friend again? I know I fucked it up, but I would do anything to have that best friend back.’ Yet it’s a known fact- my brain doesn’t coordinate well with my mouth, and the words just fade and dribble down my shirt…