It's been a week, she should hate me by now. Unexplainable reasons in this summer season when my mind caves in sitting on the beach thinking how she is now officially out of my reach. Once again here I will go regressing, back tracking until I make myself sick and confuse my thoughts into explosive emotions. I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm FINALLY giving up all my pointless battles. My heart moves on slowly as my mind is always fast to go back to thoughts of Alia. So my open wounds start to heal from those scars she left on my more than bruised heart. Spending 4 hours on her birthday card seems funny now when I think about her opening it and throwing it aside. And you'll think it's ugly, just like I do. Hours waisted, but the thought was there- the feeling I should be forgetting was there. And When Sandy leaned her head on my shoulder telling me how she liked it. Damn. This is the point my stomach caves in and the guilt strangles itself around my vocal chords making silence such a beautiful disaster. Look down at the drying paint, I wander. If I can move on to other people, so can she. FUCK THAT. I'm a hypocritical mess. As I think about these thoughts too much they will begin to hurt. I like Sandy a lot, love the feeling of her breath on my neck and her hand in mine. Miss Alia. Just a few days leaving on such a bad note. And damn Alia, you probably havent' even thought of me once while I am plagued by your goddamn memory. Haunting my senses at all hours. So I'll just be left with my thoughts of you coming back to forget me, coming back rest assured you can drop me in a second flat- you've done this before. So my jealous tendencies will always resurface no matter how hard I'll try to hold them back. Taking me back to when I was with Caitlin "in love" but still jealous everytime you would talk about Jason.But you should be able to move on. You don't need me anyways. I shouldn't be so attracted to heart break. But you should. You will. You have. You hate me.