Can't sleep on a summer night. 2 a.m. and it seems so much loses its meaning at these hours. 11 o'clock, I missed you, midnight I was lost in thoughts of what I could say, One o'clock and it starts to seem that I am useless to conveying any meaning to your memory, 2 o' clock and maybe i should just evaporate. All this time just wasted away. Then I think back to what you said "CARPE DIEM"-- "SIEZE THE DAY!" All that life you taught me in just an hour and here I am just lost in all its meaning. It seems funny to me that you can live so long and then just lose it all in an instant. BUt yet to never be replaced. Early last week I said to my friend " I have never lost anyone really close to me before." She told me to consider myself lucky. Maybe I just jinxed myself in the end. What the fuck am I talking about? I fucking jinxed you. I don't think I'll ever understand how you could look me in the face and tell me if you had to be anyone else in this world, you would want to be me. 3 a.m. and I'm thinking if only I had lived half the life you lived in 18 years. So as these last few days pass and I become part of the waking dead, never really finding any sleep, I realize in all these hours to myself that what you taught me on friday were things people take a lifetime trying to figure out on their own. SO I am blessed to have been the one to receive these words of yours. TO be the only one, how did I manage that? And how did you manage for so long to keep this other side of you hidden until Friday? It was almost like you knew, almost like you finally had to share something to be left behind. So now in the wake of these slow days without you, we can't help but miss the essence of your presence. You will never be forgotten. Thank you for all you shared.