i cant take it anymore...im done with it...i swear im too full of this...its digging so deep a whole in me..yet it makes me feel its weight on my my heart as if i was carrying the most heavy rock on earth. i never thought a person i loved so much would hurt me so much..and on purpose. its like its his job to do this..its like this is what he was made for..he knows im hurt and he knows this is killing me but he keeps on doing it..he keeps hurting me so bad..he keeps hitting the place he knows its so damaged..i hate it cuz he makes me hate him...but i just cant...u cant hate ur father...but what when u have no choice..why does he treat me like that!?!?! why doesnt he care ?!? im so tired of it...and i try to talk to him i try to tell him...i look for ways of making him understand that he should love me..or at least respect me...he does it again..i wish he hurted me physically..that way i could defend myself..i could see the wounds bleed or heal...but he does it so deep they never do...they dont bleed..they dont heal..they stay forever and remember me what kind of father i have...what he does...what kind of person he thinks i am...if he could get to know me...if he wanted to...but i swear this was the last one...i wont take another one..if he ever does that to me again i swear he will regret it..i will make it hurt him so bad..even if it means i die..no wait ...me dying wouldnt hurt that bad...it has to be something in return for everything he´s done..it has to be something he cant handle by himself..something that hurts him just like he hurts me everytime...something real.