dear diary, i just woke up..and im really sad..weird huh? the day's all rainy...i love it when it is like this..it's just the way i am inside..the fog makes everything seem incomplete.. beto already invite to the prom..and im still alone..but that seems nothing when i think about all thats been going on between us so whatevs...anyways.. i think my dad's taking off..im gonna miss him so much..but its not so bad at the end i gues..i mean they wont fight anymore and it will help him alot with his problem...but he is still my dad..he is still leaving us alone..i really dont want him to leave and im too scared that im not gonna miss him...but here i am arent i? and i will always be here for when he decides to show up..and if he never does..im still gonna be here..and its not like i was super happy before he was gonna leave so i guess things arent gonna change as much.. lately ive been having this huge lump in my throat the whole time...its just there..holding the air from gettng to my lungs..yet holding my tears back...and im just here secretly falling apart..its like the lump is consuming whatever happy feelings want to come into my heart...and it just dripps tears that burn into my eyes...and they hurt more when they're still inside..because when i cry..i realize nothing changes...im still sad and i still feel like crying again...so whats the point..and it distracts me of everything yet im scared of it...but when i close my eyes and think of it i see its nothing at all..just ..a lump..a friend says my eyes have lost their sparkle..i think that sparkle was just a tear ready to be shed..and i finally cried ...i had no sparkle..im not special...im not happy and sparkles are happy..im just a piece of sadness that ill never really get to know..and i dont know if thats the only thing that saves me...my hearts now pounding so hard ic an feel it in my head..it must be screaming helpp im trapted inside this nightmare! well too bad for u cuz im not gonna let go..forgive me..im so sorry..i will make it up to u..