dear diary, so yesterday i had the worst fight with my dad...i dont remember ever something like that, and we do fight so much and soo ugly...i know its not his fault that he has so much trouble right now and i know he is going through so much, but its not my fault either and he shouldnt blame everything on me...i guess he has so much pain he wants to take some out and put it to someone else, but i cant take it, i cant let this fake reality we are living in hurt me so much...but maybe this is our new reality, and if it is so then i cant let it hurt that much either..i cant live like this..we fought so much..and then i had this dream where he was chasing after me with a knife..and i was locked in my room and he managed to open it..and then i locked in my closet and he was hitting the door so hard and i was so scared..hidden..i guess thats not a good sign.. and then i tried talking to beto about it and he was like really that sucks..i mean.. what kind of friend is that..hes not even a good friend i shouldnt be suffering over him...his bday is on feb 14...and i had this beautiful present i dont think his getting..but oh well.. a friend told me something really wise and i feel better i guess...later..