yup it wasnt real..that happiness that was inside of me was an ilusion..probably bcuz of how great things were going with beto..it was too good to b true...im back..the part of me thats more than worthless..afraid..empty... anyways...beto asked me to play keyboards and piano in his band..im not sure though..i havent played like in a year and he expects too much from me..i think thats what i just cant take from him...for him everything has to b perfect...its like im telling him about what a family of shit i have and hes like its okay dont be sad..but like an order instead of helping me out..or when he asked me to play with them he was like but dont let me down..like he expects too much from him im not perfect.. and i need a friend not a parent..i mean i know i dont have exactly the perfect parents but i dont need another one..i just need a friend like the one he was back in sixth grade..he tries to make me perfect..im not im the furthest thing from perfect but he should be okay with it..he should be with me..i dont know..i think that his friendship is harming me more than im enjoying it and that hurts me even more..anyways..till sometime..