dear diary, so many things have happened. i cant keep track anymore. i wish wrote more. once it helped me feel better , i guess it doesnt anymore cuz i dont do it as often. its been about 2 weeks since i cant stop fucking crying. i cry because my ex is dating someone else. i cry because my friends didnt call me to hang out. i cry because i dont have a boyfriend and theres not a guy that likes me. i cry because of a stupid tv show ive seen 7 times before. i cry because there is no milk. i cry because i feel ugly. i cry because i cry too much. if theres not a hidden reason under all that stupid stuff that makes me sob my heart out every afternoon/night im gonna cry a little more right now. seriously, ive been depressed and sentimental before but this is getting very wet to be summer tears. it rained today. i love the rain. its so liberating. so free. like tears and shouts and sobs . but at the same time it is like the end of something and u can b sure only something better is coming the next day. yet u dont want it to end. its confusing, but beautiful. anyways...cheches has been an asshole lately, he always has but lately ive been more of his target. im getting used to it though, and im learning to control it so i guess its not that bad. i just lied it is bad as hell. ive been reading a lot lately. very much. when im not crying im sleeping and when my eyes are too swollen from crying and sleeping and they have to stay open for a while or else they will sink into my skull and leave 2 holes in my face i read. its not a lot of time in a day but ive been like this for about 2 weeks now so ive catched up a lot . i think im gonna write a book. a novel. at least a long story. im not sure what it is going to be about though, i have some ideas. ive been writing my dreams down. they are something weird i think they mean something. oh well they are nothing but dreams. very strange dreams. so yeah its 1:11 am and im completely sleepless. im tired but not sleepy. theres a difference. and last night i slept about 4 hours so i dont know why im not sleepy. i like to stay up at night. i would be a great insomnia parter. whatch movies. eat ice cream. oh no wait thats depressive partner. either im in. well im gonna go get something to eat. im gonna write more i promise. i promise i will try. haha. and i wish i could live in a world without mirrors...