1049
Listening to: Hot Hot Heat
Feeling: relaxed

10:17 Late Tuesday Night (1 October 2013)

     Waiting to Meet You

 

So I'm 34 weeks and 4 days pregnant.

I wish I had kept up with this journal a bit regarding my progress but Oh well, can't go back in time.  I obviously wrote about some of the first trimester woes I had; constipation mainly, and then exhaustion on top of that.  I was nauseous from time to time but didn't actually throw up until I was 20 weeks in.

In late May/early June, my family and maternal grandparents went to Las Vegas, when I was ~15 weeks ish; barely starting to show, mostly just looking ever so slightly less thin than normal.  On our way down, Caleb and I went camping and visited Bryce Canyon National Park as well as Capital Reef National Park.  Bryce Canyon was completely and absolutely stunning and I found the geography shockingly beautiful.  Our air mattress got a hole in it though and sleeping was a nightmare, no pun intended.  Las Vegas was gross and stinky as per usual, but it was nice to spend time with my grandma and papa.  They taught us Pai Gao Poker, but spend most of their evenings at the poker tables themselves; honestly and sadly I didn't get to spend nearly as much time with them as I wanted.

On our way home I think I felt the baby kick for the first time, but I'm not sure.  I know for sure I felt the baby kicking the day after we got home.  I was sitting in bed reading internet forum posts on account of I'm a nerd, then felt like popcorn slowly popping against my belly.  I yelled at Caleb that I felt our baby, and he ran into the room and put his hands on my stomach all hopeful that he could feel it.  Unfortunately, the feeling was too small and sporadic to be felt from the outside.  I was just over 16 weeks pregnant.  He was disappointed.

Papa had a heart attack a few days later and passed away shortly thereafter; right before Father's Day.  It was a huge blow and I'm still mad at him for dying before he could hold his first great grandbaby.  He was such an amazing man, and I'm glad that he went quickly and without a lot of suffering.  Honestly, he died laughing over a joke at breakfast with my grandma and uncle, a day after returning home from surgery to have a pacemaker put in. Not a bad way to go.

On June 21, Caleb and I went to the anatomy ultrasound to make sure baby was growing with all the right bits and pieces. I was convinced that the baby was a boy, Caleb was convinced it was a girl. the ultrasound was pretty clear that Caleb, as per usual, was correct.  He was relieved because we had decided on a name for a girl but couldn't agree on an appropriate boy name.  I was relieved our baby was healthy, surprised that it was a girl, and very happy that I wouldn't have to fight anyone to put frilly dresses on my kid; except maybe my kid.  It was also around this time that Caleb felt his baby move for the first time.

In July, my mom and I went to grandma's house for a week to help her clean out his closet and organize + donate his clothes to a wounded veterans charity.  It was really hard to be there without his physical presence, because his love and personality was still everywhere; and obviously it was hard to see Grandma in so much pain because she misses him so much. My Uncle and cousin drove down during the weekend while we were there, and I got to see my cousin's engagement ring and she got to feel the baby kick.

August was a fairly "dull" month; the baby and I grew and Caleb furiously continued wrapping up his experiments to finish his PhD by the end of the fall semester.  Towards the very end of August I started feeling lethargic again from time to time, and my hips started feeling really bruised and like they're falling apart. I'm not necessarily uncomfortable all the time yet but the front of my hipbones really hurt if I stand on them wrong or try to toss and turn in bed.

Caleb made plans for his defense date in September; he's scheduled to give his dissertation presentation on November 19, so I really hope the baby gets here before then.  The deadline for his written dissertation to be turned into the grad school and his committee is October 22.  While he was sorting out all of the details around the tying up of his degree, he also sent out a great many post doctoral position applications.  Sadly there's not a lot of funding in science right now and a glut of PhD candidates looking for jobs.  Luckily Caleb is incredibly bright and talented, not to mention articulate and an excellent, readable writer.  So far he has received a small amount of interest from his efforts, and one of his top choice labs set up a phone interview with him.  About a week ago he heard back from the lab PI, who asked him for an in person interview, which is scheduled for late October.

Midway through September, we learned that Caleb's mum had a malignant tumor in one of her breasts and was diagnosed with ductal carcinoma.  She opted to have a double masectomy, the surgery for which was completed last Thursday.  It seemed to go well, her lymph nodes looked cancer free, so hopefully the surgery physically excised the dangerous cells at hand.  We'll know more as the biopsy results from the surgery come back, but we hope she won't have to undergo radiation treatment.

Also last week, his oldest brother was visiting while in the US for a conference on his own PhD work.  It was really good to see him again, I really like everyone in Caleb's family so it was a pleasure to host him for a few days.  Next Sunday, Caleb's best friend is passing through for a week on his way home to NZ from a seasonal stint doing outdoors summer camps in the Southern US.  The Sunday after that is my baby shower. :)  Then it's a daily countdown to baby's arrival!  And...dissertation deadlines, etc.  I've been asking the baby to cook as much as she needs to, and that if she wants to meet us face to face between November 1st and 10th, she's welcome to do so.  I hope she doesn't bake too much longer than the 10th, just because it would be extra hard for Caleb to do his defense and be in that first week of parenthood.  Also, his mum arrives on Oct 26, and is staying until the 26th of November, so I hope they have some time together earth side to bond as well.  I'm not sure when the next time we'll have an opportunity to go down to New Zealand will be.

Caleb has attended all but 2 of the prenatal check ups with me.  he missed today's because there was so much going on - he drove his brother to the airport and we had our 3rd hypnobirthing class tonight so he wanted to get as much done as possible at work.  I'm so excited to embark on this new adventure with him, I see him being a really marvelous father and he's already such a wonderful husband. I hope I can continue being a good wife for his needs and learn how to be a decent mum.  He's so supportive of me and our baby, and I hope he realizes how much I appreciate him (I tell him all the time but I hope he believes me ;)).

We've got a hell of a month coming up in front of us. and a hell of a life after that!  I'm mostly looking forward to birth and parenthood honestly.  Of course it's a bit terrifying not having any sort of qualifications to be parents, but nonetheless it's something we've both wanted for a long time so I hope it makes our relationship to each other even stronger.

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