10:10 Tuesday Night   The Most Horrible Girl Christmas never fails to disappoint me. we opened the gifts from our grandparents because we'll be leaving on almost 2 weeks of holiday tomorrow morning and so taking all those presents seemed pointless.. I wish my grandparents had gotten me something at the Alternative Gift Market, you know. like a goat for some poor kid in Africa, or a solar oven or something...to make life a little less like hell to people with nothing...while i sit here with everything. a bunch of crap i really don't need. All i asked for from my grandparents was some decent glossy acrylic paint. Instead i got clothes i'd never wear, a purse I'd never use, perfume I'd never smell, and some random toy that ... well... i wish i'd gotten a card instead. "here is a goat in your name to a kid in africa." so many times better than useless crap... or you know. at least the one thing that i wanted. And now i feel like a horrible person for being ungrateful. This happens every year. I'm going to begin to Hate Christmas if we keep this up. argh, and now i want to cry. god. i hate myself. i really do.