2:19 Saturday Afternoon   I Always Get Like This I need a new job. I need a new outlook. I need to stop being so judgemental. I need to stop getting stupid over things that don't matter. Scholarships! I got one. Why can't i be happy with it? Why do I have to compare myself to people who got fullrides to random prestigious universities? I only hope that my life will be better than theirs. because I'm a horrible person. Caleb! Haven't talked to him in a while. I miss him so much. I found God, moved to New Zealand, and Caleb is who kept me knowing God. He'll be a great father and a great husband. But will I be a good enough mother/wife? Maybe I should swear off men and worship some virgin deity. He isn't making me happy lately. I gush about him to my friends but ... i don't know. we need to talk this through, but we can't if he isn't there to talk to. i hate crying every day. High School is almost over. i'm just going to focus on that for a while.