fuck i cant take it any more i miss him alright i really really miss him..yeah i like other guys but no matter what i do i can never like a guy without hurting someone else i give up i seriously do i just wish everything would end..i wish i could just go somewhere where i could start over and leave everything i mean i would die if i i could..but yet then im hurting more people and i just cant do that ugh! sometimes i wish i will just run into a bullet and then die...god! i cant talk to kev the way i used to anymore..everything he says makes me feel like im a whole new person and cant say anything, i cant talk to Cooper about anything anymore cuz he gets upset seeing he likes me so much and ugh! omg im seriously going to flip out i cant stand living anymore i mean my parents will never understand the fact that i just need to go..i need to be content and live a real life..i wish i could choose my ways..i no i can but the fact that there are other people involved makes me not want to do what i want..i hate how other people just hurt me as much as they want and dont understand that i have feelings too..they treat me like a fucking tag along and dont realize that i notice, lucky for them i treat them like a friend it also pisses me off that the only people that treat me like a friend is the people i treat like shit or they live some place that i only get to see them once a year..if im lucky ugh ..i just need some time to think..and somewhere where i can just be me..and be happy...just i dont think that somewhere is going to be in Calgary..i wish it was..i really just need to think things over...i hate living..