UGH~! FUCK I HATE THIS I REALLY REALLY DO!...sorrie i really need to get things out and i dont care who reads it i know i might l8er on but as of now i really dont. I hate being here right now i really do and i wish i could explain why in every way but it would hurt alot of ppl so much and im the nice one right? Im to fucking nice to make me happy for once in my life when i feel like shit i still go and act and go with things just to make others happy..why cant i get over the fact that he isnt gunna be there..and if he is its not gunna be with me and God i just want a friend like that there with me but no...we i really dont want to get into everything not now...tomorrow is suppose to be fun and exciting i mean is the stampede! yay! haha yea right..I wanted so much for this but no everything is going the way i never wanted to, but i guess alot of things in my life does that right? Everyone should just be happy that im so nice and everything god sometimes i wish i was the meanish person in the world..but yet i cant see myself doing that...ever, i mean yeah i can be a bitch sometimes but not for ever and even when i am i dont let things out. And then! omg this is the worst the stupid guy that i think i like i dont want to like him..and ugh i try so hard not too and the more i think about everything Hes NOTHING different..well he is in his own ways but ugh...god i dont want to get into everything, i just had a really shit day and i dunno why i mean i was with Cooper, who well i was being a real bitch too and yet i wont get to see him for 2 weeks and then with daniel and hes so funnie and everything. and then i was also with Weston for some part and then thats the guy that is so fun to be with too, and yet i still had a shit day...i even had soccer..oh god i give up i really do. I wish i never promised ppl this one thing...cuz really it makes me happy..well for a little while untill it heals but god why cant they see that it helps me, if just for a moment im not a crazy person that is stupid about it, im smart and know where to do it...ugh I hate promises cuz i dont think i can keep it I mean yeah it might scare my friends but...nvm i'll just stop Today was...like i said shitty but yet i cant complain..i never can..well i guess i did but it doesnt help nothing i say really helps these days its just words that will mean nothing so really everything is screwed i need to start over and leave EVERYTHING behind..but yet i will never get the chance to do that now will i? damn..things never change i guess.. Bailey