it almost ended and it was all almost over in one word.. i didnt want it to be like that tho.. i wanted it to be different.. different in a way it would be okay.. in a way that he would understand but i couldnt lie when he asked if i was thinking about it cuz i have been, one cuz i can feel bt moslty because of a promise i made that im sure you were almost postive that i would forget.. i know you have other wise i doubt you would have broken it.. but i cant see us anymore.. i cant see any of us anymore... we've all fallen apart and i cant even see how this party is going to work out.. I never wanted this year to be like it is becomeing but nothing i can do can change that.. I guess its my fault because i choose this over the better life i left. The life i left just because i didnt wanna leave someone alone.. but the way i look at it now it doesnt really matter cuz its just what she did to me.. Im happy for her though cuz i doubt she could be any happier.. I just wish i said yes to my mom when she offered to stay at dt.. i wish i took that chance because i'd sure as hell have time for myself and wouldnt have this shit problem that wont leave me.. i wouldn't have that feeling come back becuase it would have already happened, i wouldnt have had been hurt from leaving becuase i never would have had to say goodbye.. i wouldnt have cried those tears and i would have never been falling apart with the friends i have now. Im loseing one i never really had.. lost one a long time ago that ive always wanted back but now its just as everyone talks about him but then theres me and i have nothing to say because i never see him.. and then theres one that ive never been more close to but yet so far away from.. and then one that just makes me have that feeling again right when everyone else did... then theres the 2 that ive never been more close with and never had more to do with my life.. and as much as i love them.. i hate the fact that there my life, i wish everyone was again. I never get to talk to ashley anymore and when i do it just seems like ive never talked to her and were falling apart. I never been more nice to everyone and yet been so mean to another.. i just wanna be the gurl everyone can get to know.. i wanna be the ladie thats fun the one i would have been...