holy mother im sick. damn cold's i wish they'd just go away. but then again im normaly always healthy so i guess when i do get sicks its fine for it to just be a cold. I'd rather be at skewl right now tho..and seeing my friends and my boyfriend Brett, god hes such a sweetie sometimes. but then again theres me..and my stupidness that no one really gets yet. haha not even cooper knows about that side of me. I dont think he ever will either. maybe though. if it just happens to come out of my mouth when were talking then i guess he will know. But i mean, when it comes to friend and relationships, or common sence, im alot smarter then i act. I mean theres cooper he tells me alot of stuff..like " Bailey..u know there just trying to find a way to get in ur pants" or "Bailey u no that they dont really mean that, and there just trying to make u shut up" well..i do realize it, but yet its just me and who i am, i know alot of things when it come to how a person says something and what they really mean, i do it all the time, mind you i dont mean to but i do. but nvm about that, Its not what i wanted to write I just get alittle off topic when i have nothing else to do and im just sitting at home listing to awesomefide music.. OKay...there was this gurl..she was amazing and she love where she was and loved everything around her, she smile and actually ment it...and one day she ment this guy. at first site she knew that she JUST didnt want to be friends, she wanted more, she was hooked from the first day she laid eyes on this guy, he was her everything, all she ever thought alot, mind you she was lieing to him about her age, but at the moment it was for the best. As this gurl got to know this guy ever better as the days went on she liked him more and more and she had the best of times with him. then there was the e-mail..for her bestfriend ( the one the introduced this gurl and the guy), It was his hot list..well who he thought was hot and what not in an oder this gurl was 2nd on that list and as for her bestfriend was 4th or something like that, but reading on this gurl crashed down, he asked her out, The gurl just sat there and held back her tears, and to make it even better the two gurls were talking to this guy on msn. It hurt so much, the bestfriend notcied that the gurl was different at the time because she never said anything. My bestfriend took me everytime that they did something( her and her boyfriend) i had to sit there and watch them smiling at each other and just having fun, it tore me apart, and for the first time i realized what it was to just have to wait for someone. I hung out with them for about 2 months, it sucked i hated it, mind you the last month wasnt that bad, my bestfriend started telling me that it seemed like he liked me more and what not, and really..they went out 3 times, one of them was after al of that happened. Then..the day came..he asked me out, i was extremly happy, and my bestfriend knew that. they had just broken up about a week ago, and she still liked him, so..i asked her to be honest with me and asked if i could go out with him, she wasis my best friend, and i wanted her to be happy and not go through what i did. she said i could..but then i found out l8er that she had lied to me, but thats okay i couldnt change anything then. I had the most wonderful times of my life, and to this day i will never forget them, I went out with him 3 times and the first 2 times broke off cuz of me, and how stupid i could be, lucky tho, he always came bk asking me out again. I fell in love with that guy, and to this day i still like him. he doesnt know tho, or at least i dont think he dose, I barely see him, and the days that i do are incedible hes so much fun, and brings my personality out..well the old me, the me when i was happy and had such a great life and i didnt have to worrie about anything. but god the memorizes with him. with the whip cream, and the doc at carburn. over at katies house..the first time i made out with him, Alexs Tramp, the catwalk. mano man that kid is amazing. I cryed every time i would even think justa bout loseing him..its the worst feeling in the world...and the day it finally happend..i was happy, cuz of me and my stupid little crushes..but then after that, the pain finally kicked in, and i never wanted anyone to feel like i had, it hurt..it hurt so bad. he was the one that i started to cut for. every since then my relationships havnt been that great..lol as ashley would put it.."Bailey you always pick the assholes"...but yeah im not getting into that one. the point is, is that i had to realize that i cant have him, and for him it was just a fling, and for me it was much more, but when it came to him, i didnt matter, i wanted him to be happy and at first him being happy hurt me like a bitch, cuz it insisted of him having another gf..but yet he never did really have one, for a while, he liked other gurls and it hurt when he talked about him, i would cry i admit that but, i just got used to it after awhile cuz as long as he is happy then im fine with it, and right now..im still waiting, im not sure why, but i am. and its stupid but when i realized that it just important for me to stay out of his life and for him to be happy cuz he is over me, and that i have to leave the past how it was. and the best part of all i learned to controll the fact that he has moved on, had a gf and what not. I learnt to just sit there and smile for him, and to talk to him about what ever he so pleases, as long as he is happy i guess i can keep waiting, I mean i have moved on, I have a boyfriend right now, and i finally stoped comparing my boyfrinds to him, and what not, But im slowly learning to handle everything and I know that he wont be the last guy that i love, only the first and i've learnt that i need to get out and look for others cuz maybe i will find another guy that will make me feel the same way he has, because i know there is someone like him out there, and I know that no matter how long i wait, that guy will be worth that wait. The point of all of that is for this other guy..i mean everything to him. and he has to realize everything that i had to realize, i just dont want him to go through all of the pain i had to, that another reason im going out with Brett, i mean its not just cuz i really like him wanted a boyfriend and what not. It was also to help him realize that he has to get over the fact that i need to live my life and he has to let me..and i know its hard and i know no matter how hard that he says that he is fine with it, that he wont be, atleast not for a longtime..