Wow, today was fun..i guess. I met Tyler and saw Devon, it was nice, cuz i really think im over him, and Mac, im not lieing, seriously ive been thinking for over an hour and its been pissing me off, cuz I only like him as a friend and today just felt okward..i dont know why, but it did. I mean it was great to look at Devon and think wow, i have no feelings left for him. But then all at the same time be scared over the fact that i dont like him anymore. I mean in ways its GREAT that i dont like him..but in other ways its not. Also tonight..or today i wasnt being me, and it felt hurtful cuz normal Devon is someone that i can fully be myself around and that i love being around..but Today i wasnt to sure about that. I mean it might have just been today and everything i had on my mind..thx to Greg lol. But thats a whole different story. It sux when u leave off of a bus and feel like u needed someone standing outside at the bus stop just for u to cry on. I was so happy today and then out of no where everything just crashed down. And i was suppose to do something with Cooper tonight, but thats not happening even tho I need to talk to him more than anything at the moment. But I would rather not get him pissed off, cuz i think if i was talking to him i would end up yelling and thats not a good thing with him. I mean hes my bestfriend. and also the first person i really want to get to know. .. You know when u first met someone, and that person changes just to be ur friend..or does little things around u that normaly dont happen..or just other things like that. well I hate how i always keep them in my head and I will hold things against ppl cuz of them, cuz im scared for them to just let me go. ugh i make no sence right now. Probably noone really understands what i saying, but i cant really just go and be open about it, cause some things about me are ment to be kept inside. only sometimes i have the urge to just say things that are on my mind on here. Hmm.. just cuz Greg probably will read this..lol. Ive been thinking alot on that 5050 thing and i cant get it out of my effin head! i wish i could but i cant. it bugs me, cuz ALL day today..thats what was on my mind. I mean all i could talk about was Greg..or Brett or Cooper. Ugh! Its not like its bad to be talking about u guys, but its not me to just be saying it...nvm. its gay and I just hope it doesnt end up to be like someone else i used to talk about alot. cuz that got anoying and i bet It was mostly me saying the same thing over n over. but ANYWAYS im not gunna get into that one. I was so happy when i told Cooper i was over him..and it buged me how he told me that i had to see him to make sure. And im glad i listined but then again in not. I would have rather have stayed home and hung out with him(Cooper). and just Talked. like I was suppose to last night, but that didnt happen ugh sometimes i wish my mom actully kicked me out instead of just saying get out. thats only sometimes. But i mean Cooper is amazing hes always there when i need him and I wanna be there when he needs me. I want to get to know him better and here i am with more shit to say about me and then the day will end..me crying and then him trying to cheer me up telling me everything will get better... Im just sick in Tired of Being someone I hate so much about. xoxo.Billy.xoxo