I dunno what to do its like im stuck in the middle of everything..and i hate it when i not happy everyone else is fine, when i do something to make me happy everyone else's life are screwed cuz of the thing that i did to make me happy, sometimes i just wish i never was here so i wouldnt have to go throught these things, I wish i had someone to just tell me how to deal with these things..i wish i had someone that i can just let out everything to and that i can trust that much, but its so hard when ur so young, ppl change so much in life and u never can tell whats going to happen to that promise later on in there life if u ever do tell them anything.and PLus the person u would be able to trust..u shouldnt need to tell them to promise..u should just trust them with all of your heart to start with. Ugh i dunno where im going with this..But then again..my life..like wow everything Ive lived for is my friends..and I mean theres this one person..and i love this person..this person is amazing in every way it just seems like that person is making there life happy but recking mine..it feels like that person is taking over my life..my friends, and it hurts the one person i wanna get to know better and talk to and be with...that person is taking over..it hurts..my whole past..that person is bring it back..I think its amazing how just one person can reck your life forever, not saying that this person is recking my life forever, its just, wow, one person can hurt u so much and they dont even realize it. and now im sitting here thinking about how i make myself happy but yet i do the same to others...holy shit im a bad person i really am..some might say that im not im just doing whats right for me and everything but the truth is..i dont care about me anymore..i do, but when it comes to others i'd rather them be happy they saved me and helped me through so much in my life its incredable..maybe not so much now, but in the past, they were all i had and i love/miss them to death and always will. I hate being who i am today with alot of my friends but i'll just have to try my best, i wish i was who i used to be and to have everything be like it was..but that cant happen and things change in life and you cant always get what u want right?..i mean lifes not perfect and never will be, there has to be some things in life that mess you up, or else it just wouldnt be life anymore. I just..sometimes i cant handle things in the life i have now..i couldnt b4 either but it was just so much easier when i was happy most of the time..i was really happy, and i cared for me and i truly had fun with my life, i didnt take it so seriously and i wasnt so scared of everything b4. I dont even no why im writing all of this cuz i know nothing i say will ever change anything so its pointless, i just have to stop complaining and go with what i have..im lucky to have what i have, it could be worse and i no alot of ppl think i have a great life, but noone really knows the real me.. Anyways. I wanna say thanks to kt for always being there for me and im glad that we are getting back to being great best friends again and i missed everything too. Thanks for getting your sister to pick us up to football today i really wasnt feeling good. And well Cooper, its better with us, well better then it was and i thank u for understanding but please dont change just cuz of me..do it for yourself it u really want to and just didnt say that to make me feel better..but please dont try and do things u dont want just to make me happy, its not worth it and plus..i can be fine with out u trying to reck your life just for me.. Bailey