hmm..well ugh i dunno its being all weird these days, ive felt so alone and felt like i just wanted to have someone there to just hug and hold and shit. I mean its been 5 months and i have been single, i love it to death being single and feeling free and what not,but i just..ugh..i dont know how to put it really i mean i have my friends to hug and to talk to, but its just not the same. i mean i like a few guys..well only two but still i just dont see myself with them, i mean as friends and i can see me hugging them but holding them and kissing them? i just cant see that. but maybe its just not the time?..or im just not used to it and will be?...or maybe im just suppose to wait forsomeone else? like this one guy that i met, but really its coming out to seem like he can never do anything, but i have that feeling hes lieing..so i dunno, whatever. I will live, its not like anything would ever happen with me and him anyways cuz hes one year older than me and im sure he will find MUCH better chicks in highshcool, i'll see him next year..haha but thats different. anyways! back to the point i mean i know i have cooper and hes there for EVERYTHING and i can tell him almost anything and he will listen and crap, and then i have Dillon that will listen and everything and then i have Tom that will listen and give amazing advice. but its just not the same as having a boyfriend to talk too.. but i'll stop with this cuz i bet i will just get past it in a few weeks or so. Im starting to really notice alot of shita bout people and its starting to bug the hell out of me and how if i was back to who i was..how much i would never even talk to some people. Alex you understand..but still i mean im so stupid its like somepeople really bug me for the stupidest things. but it bugs me so much that i just want to never talk to them again. but i no that i will cuz some of these people i love to death..but i guess everyone has there times where u just cant handle them. A few days ago i almost cryed again over dtms..i just dont know what it is but i hate the change and how much they have changed and how much i couldnt be there for the change and i know nothing anymore, everything has gone donw the drain and started over and now im left in teh drin stil. haha i sound so lame, but its how i feel. and i just hate it, there so much more to just missing that skewl that noone will ever understand and im not ever going to be in the mood to ever start tp try and explain it to anyways, without them knowing how i felt with that whole skewl. moving on...lol enough with that. Uve been having fun these days i guess, they keep getting more fun and then less fun each day. but i guess thats kinda my fault how i make my day. Im playing dtms in a soccer game, for skewl on the 6th, im so pumped for it. the 2 guys teams played the other day and fairview won 2-1 it was awesome! i was pumped i stayed and watched and i couldnt staop jumping up and down, and after words i talked to jonny and stuff, i just love hat skewl haha. but anyways ive wrote enough for now. OH! guess what! im going over to Dillons house tomorrow ..or he is coming over but either way i get to see him haha i love that kid, my husband and best friend hehe love you man! .Love.You.Always.xoxo. Billy