Im so confused..I cant even look at cooper without having my eyes water i cant even speak to him face to face, i dont know what the fuck is wrong with me. I mean I should just talk to him. i want to i REALLY want to but when i try..nothing comes out it hurts. When i left katies house today he left too..i was ahead of him but he caught up and asked if i would mind if he walked me home and then gave me this look..i dunno how to explain it but it just made me cry more..and i think he noticed, i still couldnt say anything but after awhile i managed to say that I can't really talk to you right now but if you want to then you can. He did, I knew he would..he always dose..i wanted to say more..I wanted to tell him to meet me at the park tomorrow at a time but I just couldnt speak..Ive never felt this way b4 and i cant explain it..but whatever it is i sure do hate it..Im sorrie If what i said hurt anyone, im thinking of one person when im saying this and im sorrie, i just had to get it out. I went to the park today, where me n Cooper always sit but I went by myself and just sat there for an hour and a half. there were ppl there asking me if i wanted to smoke sum weed but i just tryed to ignore them, I didnt want to go over to kts house but the last thing i knew was that kt chad and cooper showed up at my door, what could i do just tell them i didnt want to? I did want to..but yet i didnt, i ended up going to get a movie with them and watching half of it, only meaning that tomorrow they are gunna want me to go and watch the last half..I dunno if i will go. maybe..I just have this feeling inside that i cant explain and it hurts. It feels like ive just lost a best friend and i know that i will never get them back, or when i do I will never feel the same way that i once did.. Bailey