Im so confused...i just dont know how to say it but I miss Cooper i really really do, but yet everytime he asks if i want to do something i say no..all becuz of 2 nights ago and i just cant stop thinking about it and him telling me " kevin is being an ass around his friends cuz thats how he is around certain ppl" and he told me that...ugh i dunno what im saying i just thought he was going to be different thats all, like hes the same person around me with kt and chad but other then that..when hes around Alex he acts like a perv and when hes around Daniel, derek Dylan hes kinda an ass and ugh i just dunno..and around Kristen..thats what got me, why was he like that? he said he doesnt even like her? but who know's. it just hurt to realize that he changes Alot when he is with his friends and that I dont like him the way i thought i did when hes with his friends..i have no idea what i feel for him now and its almost the end of summer and here i am trying not to talk to him..great i mean when i go back to school, i have NO friends to hang out with at Lunch seriously its stupid everyone says oh yea im ur friend but who knows if they really mean it, i mean god i hate Fariview i really really do, i miss dtms so fuckiung much its not even funny, but back to the point Cooper...wow, i havnt cried for soo long, he made me super happy he made me the person i was missing for the longest time, sure I was only me around him but still it felt so good, he would call me everyday even just to hear my voice to say hi, i would do something with him as often as i could i thought i really liked him, but how can u like someone thats different around his friends..and when hes different hes a guy that u dont even wanna be around? im so confused..just walking back to my house i couldnt stop crying..It made me feel like i just lost my best friend and then i hear hes calling me a bitch?..i guess u could have done that, he doesnt really know what he did wrong seeing its just who he is..u cant really change that now can you? I dont even no if i want to go to football, i dont think i can look at him the same anymore. Im gunna find myself being all weird around him, the worst part about everything is he just calls me the next morning and acts like everything is perfectly fine..nothing happened and then today he called me asked if i wanted to go over to kts house cuz he was there with her n chad and i said no..and then he just gave the phone to katie and didnt want to talk to me..it hurts it really does, i dunno i wanna talk to him i really do but im scared if i go somewhere with him he'll just act like nothing happened and i'll be sitting there with an empty feeling for him I can barely stand talking to him on the phone with that feeling for him..I just dont know how i feel abbout him anymore, i want it to go away, i think thats why i just went home by myself that night, cuz i didnt want to see him that way anymore..i didnt want the fact that he is different around other ppl to sink it, but it did, i think i still wanted to like him Alot but that just wont happen..and i hate it, i wish i just never saw him that night, sad to say but i wish nothing happened..I know i dont want to go out with him but i just..i need him..its sad but i do. Hes the only one that Lives in Calgary that can make me feel this way..and i want it back but one thing can reck that all..and i think that one thing about him just did..i'll see..i might do something with him tomorrow and see..i dunno tho i might just say that today and then if he calls say i dont want to do anything tomorrow..ugh i hate this. My hands are cold again..and for once n the past month or so i havnt been happy..not one bit of me is happy at the moment and here my hands are freezing..maybe they have something to do with it all..or maybe im just become the acting me again.my hands were always cold then. w/e I just, I really miss him.. Bailey