its only 4 days i dont think i can do it..i dont think i can stay away and not be with that one person..and even then we i do get to spend time with them..i dont think i could just be me anymore..i dunno why its like one thing after another. It was me to be doing what i was..and now i have to stop and be like i am with everyone else..i dont wanna do that. But its just what i feel and i guess i have to stop becuz its no good at all for either of us..I hurt that person more that anything. I was thinking last night about alot of things and I couldnt stop thinking about it..i cried more than i have in a long time..I cried over the thought of loseing someone which by some of the words i had said, i lost already. I was thinking on how much that person REALLY means to me and how much i dont think i can be without that one person. I thought of how my days would go..I mean driving with my dad today and all i looked at was the trees and the grass and i imagned that i was leaving..finally moving. And i felt good only cuz right now i have nothing to stay for and its pointless. I mean i know for a fact that it will get better, but right now its gotten worse. I mean I realized that im scared to be hurt again..I really like this one person and i just noticed how much. I dont want to be with him cuz im scared next year going into high school he'll find someone else. I mean hes a great guy why wouldnt he? Im the first person he felt like hes really liked..and im just his first..alot of people dont end up with the first person they felt that way with and next year theres gunna be LOTS of new ppl. and i for one want to be single going into high school. and I mean i really like this one guy.. but I dont think i would like just going out with him only to get hurt. I like him enough that i dont think that it will last there for why would i want to go through the pain when i had everything b4?...but now i dont only cuz it hurts him to much. and now i dont think i want to be just friends.. I dont want to just walk in the hall and not flirt with him. I dont want to lose all of our insiders and find them useless anymore. I dont want to not see him every day. I dont want to stop wakeing up cuz he called me. I dont want to have to stop knowing that daily he will call and that he'll ALWAYS be there.. I dont want him to just be another guy that i chill with, and the only difference is that I can talk to him....Its just what i want..I dont think i can go through with... anyways. My dad took me to look at snowboards n what not it was good, i bought a snowboard n boots n a helment lol. the helment pretty funny tho, makes me head look huge, oh well tho, it fits and i would care less. um.. My brother got a dirt bike with is awesome cuz now i can even learn how to ride and it'll be lots of fun.. my room is getting renivated soon in about 2 weeks or so, that pretty exciting too.. but other than that. im back to just being myself..alone and now without a bestfriend i can just be me around.. .XoxO. .Bailey.