everything and anything is gone.. i just dont care..or i get these moments when i dont. because i know that i do about somethings but thats only because a certain someone pushed me to a challenge i'd be more than willing to take. but this isnt about that. i just wanted to write because i havnt in awhile. me and cooper are blahh.. its hard to explain it i really hate it. i really really do. it bugs me more than anything else in my life right now..next to that is this whole soccer thing.. and i hate some people i really do.. like honestly soccer is my get away and no one can see that. i hate soccer at school though, its fun, but i never try and sometimes i just give up to easily and i hate that too. i miss the smiles and the laughs and i hate the person i became over this short period of time.. i hate how i dont know you anymore.. and if you say that i know you the best out of anyone.. then your not being yourself. i hate the fact that thier not okay and how i thought they were. i hate it because it was a promise that they would always be.. and now, now it just doesnt seem that way, hes not the type to break a promise.. and love. love isnt forever i wish it was, but its just a word with so much meaning behind it. a word that wont last forever, doesnt last for forever. it lasts for a part of your lifetime, forever would be.. forever not just a section in your life. 20 years though.. it doesnt seem that long but i guess it must be. so a love so strong everything fades.. i thought it was good i really really did.. the things going on.. the smiles, the laughs, the night outs, the hugs, the i love yous, all blown up into my face as if its just an act which hinds benith it.. i have no idea. u know real friends.. even people im just getting to know ask what or if anything is wrong, even when i was mad at someone when i saw they were down i came to them and just put everything else on the side.. but no i dont get that favor.. but i guess its just cuz ur different right? ur better then it all and thats the sad part about it too. i still think about that one night, and i still wonder what it would be like it if ever happened or if i still even feel the way i did. i want to fall.. just fall in wake up as if nothing happened and just for it to be like it used to, sometimes i miss them to much.. and then maybe i just miss my life with them, it was perfect...and i was happy.