Somedays its as if you feel like nothing can change a thing, and its amazing how u feel and you've got this feeling of exciting that you wish would just never leave. As soon as the sun comes up the next morning its as if your whole world just falls and you get this other feeling over you like you just dont fit n and need things that you just dont have with you at the moment. Its Changing the song just cause nothing seems to fit... I hate always being the one left out n my family i hate being the middle child more than anything. Hes too young and stupid to do anything and shes never home.. thats how it'll always be for me.. even if he grows up.. hes spolied and its all cuz of sickness, i wish he never had or.. or did have it i wish he was the same.. a normal brother. but no it just doesnt work that way. i mean i hate the fact that he has what he has for one cuz its just bad and i hate seeing my brother look like shit cuz of some illness. and because he can get away with what ever he wants just by useing it and because its as if my parents live for making him happy..u no what else bugs me.. i get shit for my birthday just cuz i got a snowboard ( which was suppose to be for christmas but we i let it go) and i was getting my room done.. well for one i never wanted it done. i loved my small room. yeah its nice to have it like it is.. but for them to that just cuz its my room when they wanted it done? and my brother gets a dirtbike and these nice things for his room.. my mom complains about the whole money issue and he still gets a good birthday. All my aunts family friends remember his birthday n give him things.. even my sister got more from aunts n what not than i did.. they didnt even call me this year. i mean i go to family things.. my sister doesnt and at least she gets a phone call. they both get treated soo much different. and you know i try to be nice to them..and every once n awhile maybe for a week it'll be a blast and i would have so much fun with them.. but my sister doesnt even talk to me anymore.. doesnt even wanna watch a movie with me when i ask.. its always keith now.. everytime.. and you know i hate just being nice to them n letting them treat me like shit..and most of the time i dont let them get away with shit. and i tell them i will just go n do the same and when i do its like they take it way worse then i did and its just them bitching n not talking to me for another month untill everything evens out..you know i look at other familys n some of them are soo happy and sometimes i wish that would be the case. i mean im fine with this, but when i dont have anyone right now to talk to.. i cant really handle it. and my sister is leaving soon n i know that.. and i doubt i will ever get to see her that much and as much as we fight n not talk to each other im gunna miss her. and that just makes it so much harder with her and it hurts more cuz i never know when she will just leave..